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Love much. Earth has enough of bitter in it. -- Ella Wheeler Wilcox

he is a veteran, and has pretty severe PTS, which causes him to feel very depressed and guilty

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Please help me. I don't know what to do anymore. I have been with my boyfriend (?) for about a year now, and things have been good, for the most part. We have had ups and downs, but have always been able to talk it out, until this. The backstory on this, is that he is a veteran, and has pretty severe PTS, which causes him to feel very depressed and guilty. When he is in this mood, he pushes everyone away, and this can last for days, even weeks. Lately, he has been like this for the last 2 months. He acts like a total unfeeling ass, and becomes very selfish. He has been diagnosed as having a severe case of PTS, and also Gulf War syndrome. Also, he used to be on medication for manic depression, but is not anymore. I have suggested that he see a therapist, but he is not receptive at all to this. I love him very much, and want to be with him, but this is really taking its toll on me. When he is feeling like himself, he is a wonderful, loving, and caring person. But when this kicks in, I don't even want to know him. He becomes moody, withdrawn, sexually uninterested, selfish, and grumpy. This kind of came to a head 2 nights ago, we talked about it, and now we are on a 'hiatus' of sorts (his idea). He says that he doesn't want to hurt me any more than he already has, and needs some time to sort his head out. He says that he loves me, and wants to be with me, just not right now. I told him that I would give him some time, but I don't know why he needs to shut me out. I want to help him, but he just wants me out of his life while he figures this out. I wish I knew what to do. I am a wreck. I can't sleep, eat, or do anything. I cry all day at work, and all night at home. I really thought we were going to be allright, and then he does this. I really do love this person, and I want to be able to help him, but I don't think I can if he won't let me. I am worried that he will not take any active steps to solve his problem, and we will bever be together again. This bothers me because I want to be with him, but even more to think that he will be so unhappy living like this. Please help.

RomanceClass.com Advice
He needs to see a therapist and get medications.

You have tried without luck to get him to do it. But you must try more as this is the only long term answer to his problems.

Even if you can get him to do it for himself that would be a step in the right direction. Perhaps you could call the VA -- here is one such organization:

Call toll-free Monday through Friday
9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. Pacific Time

Also: Call the VA Health Benefits Service Center toll free at 1-877-222-VETS

Here is a US Gov webpage:

Another thing to keep in mind is that the 'hiatus' is probably his need to regroup and get a grip on himself. He perhaps finds that difficult to do with you to also deal with. This is probably a temporary situation, and one good thing you can do for him is to keep yourself on an even keel. Perhaps he would go to a therapist for couples if you went too. That could be parlayed into a trip to a psychiatrist where he can get the meds that are crucial to his well being. You might also benefit from seeing a therapist temporarily.

I know this isn't much help, but I hope some of the ideas might help!

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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