Males can be Abused Too
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I've been living with my girlfriend for over a year. I'm wondering if im in an abusive relationship?
She has cussed me in the past aswell as said things like "you moron" "are you stupid" ect. I've told her it hurts my feelings and she says im to emotional and she doesnt really mean it. She once said she enjoys hurting me and making me sad and or mad?? She slams doors, screams, throws things when just the littlest thing goes wrong as for an example. She knocks something over in the kitchen, she curses, screams and when i try to calm her down ask her whats wrong she gets mad at me?? Although ive said i do not like this rage, she has said she will try to change but, no dice.
She extremely jealous and gets mad if i dont spend every hour on the hour paying attention to her or if i speak to another women. I cannot go anywhere without her and if i do go i have to be supervised by my other male friends. She loves sex and when i do not feel like having sex with her she pouts gets angry and pressures me into doing things i do not want to do at the time. I tried to break up with her in the past but, she cries and makes me feel extremely guilty for leaving her and says she loves me and will do anything i want for me to stay. She follows me to where i go and sobs ending up me coming back home. I am now even questioning if i love her anymore? Help.
You know, it's a common misconception that only women can be abused. And perhaps most of the time it's true - women are smaller, and more likely to be beaten up and harassed by men.
But it is DEFINITELY true that men CAN be abused, and very often it's this kind of emotional abuse you are describing. There is NEVER any reason that someone should call their partner a 'moron' or 'stupid'. That is called being an immature 3 year old. When you fight about issues, you should talk about things you disagree on. You should NEVER NEVER harass the other person. She throws things? She screams? These are all signs of a person who never grew up to become a mature adult.
Sex is SOLELY ABOUT MUTUAL PLEASURE. It should never, never be about one person pressuring the other into it. It doesn't matter if you're male or female. The fact that she feels she can force you into doing things and screams and cries when she doesn't get her own way means this person is DEFINITELY not ready to be living with someone else. I'm amazed you have lasted as long as you have.
You need to draw a line here. You've put up with far more than any sane human should have to. Tell her, if she wants to stay with you, that you two need to go to a therapist together. Period. The way you are living is NOT healthy and can NOT continue. Either she says yes that she will let someone try to help her (because obviously she won't on her own), or she says no and you leave. She needs to learn some anger management skills and MATURITY skills pronto. You can't teach her those, and she will never learn them on her own at the rate she is going. So those are your choices - leave her and find someone much more deserving of your time and affection, or work with her *WITH HELP* to get her to grow up. Even then I don't guarantee of course that she *will* grow up. But at least you have a fighting chance that way.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com