Asking Out my Friend

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
I've been intimidated by this girl named J since the beggining of the year. It was little chat in the beggining talking here and there, but we've come to be the best of friends.

I can share anything with her and we have alot in common. She's so unique and special. She brightens up my day so much, and when she's not at school, school is 10 times worse. We go to the movies alot and talk every nite.

I have even turn down gurls wanting to do "stuff" cuz i truly have a conscience and care for her deeply. True Emo kid.

I also have another friend that im cool with too. It's kinda of a 3-way friendship. When ever i do somethin with one, the other is there. Which is cool, but i really get a chance to express my feelings to the first girl in person. Im afraid of losing the second cuz she is really sweet.

Valentines, i sent flowers and a bear. Total suprise. She was thrilled. We were going to a movie and i got ready then girl 2 couldnt go, then girl 1s mom changed her mind of taking her out. We both got upset over it and wish we could see each other. Tells me she luvs me without me sayin it first. Just about died. So basically, Valentines sucked except for her saying she luved me.

Next day, at my bands show, they both came as planned. I played the song about girl 1 hoping that she would realize. She did, all good. On stage i saw her and about crapped my pants and my body just like almost broke down. After sitting by both of them and watching another band, i had to leave. Did the ritual got up hugged girl 1, but kissed her on the cheek and it was a long uplifting hug. Hugged girl 2 and left. Went home and crashed.

Next day, band and choir trip. Miserable 8 hour bus ride, right next to the entrance door blowing in cold air makin my legs and feet numb, but girl 1 was accross from me, all the much better. Bout half way, we stopped for food and her mom took me and 3 other people over to eat. Her mom likes me. Then her mom says she needs some one to ride in the car with or else she'll fall asleep. So girl 1 is going duh, and a kid (that i dont like to much) and another volunteer right away, and im not going to invite myself. Only that one anoying kid and girl 1 go with her. We stop 30 minutes later. She comes on the bus for a second and says, "come in the car with us". So i gather my crap up and rush and i start walkin down the stairs and a teacher and driver pop up sayin i dont have enough time to get to her car but she does. So i'm stuck on the bus.

Get off the bus at our destination, one of my friends, comes up to me and says, "so i heard you kissed girl 1, huh?". My heart races and i just blush it off. Girl 2 is her best friend, and she saw the little "peck". Everyone knows about it and is asking, "so r u guys going out?" or "r u gonna ask her out?". Barely get to see her the entire 2 days. :-(

The day we get back, monday, we have a huge crying conversation about "us" and where we're heading. I have never seen heard her so sad since ive known her or act that way.

O.k, friday, movies, yay. I could feel her warmth not even touching her. I wanted to act on my feelings so bad. But, i held it in, yet again. Go home. Big long conversation. Ask me if i want to take the relationship further and after avoidin the question i say yes. I ask her. She says yes and that she likes me and has for a while now but is scared of ruining the friendship. I feel the same way.

Now. I'm really anxious to ask her out. But i dont know if she wants that or sees it coming. I have a perfectly romantic way to ask her, but im scared.

Basically, what should i do? Advice
You've already asked her out! You guys had a long talk about the relationship and how you are afraid of losing the friendship. ALL great relationships begin that way. The best relationships start with great friendships and involve crossing that hurdle. So you're going through what ever other great couple has gone through. You already talked about it, you both already said you're interested.

So now it's just a matter of actually going somewhere! You already know tons about her. So you are the one who knows best what she enjoys. Is there a movie she really wants to see? Some sort of activity like skiing or bowling or something she has lots of fun with? Head out with her, just you two.

Don't make it into a huge production. The whole point is that you're both already stressed about this being "a change". So ease into it without making it even MORE stressful! Show her that this isn't some gigantic change that is scary and risky. Show her that it is YOU TWO - the same two that have been friends all along - STILL BEING FRIENDS. That is probably THE most important thing you can do right now, is show her that the friendship isn't being lost. It is the KEY to your entire relationship. And yes, you might get more cuddly now. But that is just EXTRA. So focus on the friendship, don't focus on the romance right now.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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