He's lying to another woman and dating me

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I met a man several months ago. He declared that he was interested in me and wanted to go out with me. After dating him for a couple of months, I found out he has been dating another woman before he met me and was still dating her.

I wanted to break up with him, but he asked me to give him time as he said he was not serious about her. He said I have all the qualities he would like his woman to have but he is scared of a commiting himself into a marriage with me and he feels I would eventually be wanting that from him.

That was six months ago and even now he tells me he is confused about the other woman and me and wants to go on like that. I want to get out of the triangle but I love him but if I stay on , the thought of him being with another woman hurts me. Should I walk away form his life or stay on till he is able to make a decision. What action from my side would enable him in making a quicker decision. The other woman has no idea about the two of us.

RomanceClass.com Advice
Let's think about this one objectively. We have a guy. This guy is currently a) lying to a woman who he says he's not "serious about" but somehow can't leave and b) telling you to stay with him indefinitely while he lies to this other woman.

Life is about making choices. That's just the way it is. When you choose to go to college, there are lots of fun options. But eventually you choose the one that suits you best and then you work hard at fitting in there. When you decide you want a dog you evaluate all the breeds that are available, find the one that fits your lifestyle and then you buy the puppy and care for it and raise it.

It sounds like he's stuck in 3rd grade and still thinks he can just do whatever he wants, and lie to whoever he wants to, and that everyone will just hang around and let him do that. He's an adult and being an adult is about taking responsibility for what you do. The first thing is that he's been lying to this other woman for over six months. She has a right to know that he's been involved with someone else! What if SHE wants a real relationship, and he's in essence cheating her out of all of this time! If he's not even serious about her that makes it even worse for her. He's using her as bad if not worse than he's using you.

I would call her and talk to her. She deserves to know how her relationship stands. She deserves to make her own choice about sharing her guy with someone else. If he gets upset by you being honest with her, then I would get far away from him. A guy capable of lying to someone that he CARES ABOUT (which would be the only reason he would get upset - if he didn't care, he wouldn't get upset) is someone who can and will lie to you whenever he wants to protect his own interests.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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