This coming fall she is moving to England for a year to be an au pair for an English family, and I am moving to California
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Hello, I know I had sent in a request before but I thought it might be better if I got a little more detailed in hopes of a little bit more detailed answer :) Don't worry I won't keep sending these questions out to you, I just want a verification on my situation and some reassurance on dealing with it.
Now for my dilema. About a year ago I met the most amazing girl, it was love at first sight, we clicked almost immediately. I have dated many girls before her, but none of them gave me such a feeling like this. For once I actually felt that I had found true love. The relationship was great, and so much fun, we did so much together. It wasn't until a couple of months ago that things started to turn sour. We began having fights over the silliest of things. And even I'll admit I wasn't acting as I should have at times. I would question situations, and began to feel a little jealousy and insecurity about certain things. She began to feel confused and unsure of what she wanted, she felt like she wanted to date other people, to explore life and find out what she wanted from it. Keep in mind now that she's 19 and I'm 22. I'm finishing college and she's just starting.
So she had started making friends with some other guys, and in the past month started to actually like one of them. She kept some this from me in fear of hurting me, even though we had always told eachother that if there was someone else we would tell eachother. So last week we broke up, mostly I think because she started to lose interest in me and was falling for this other guy.
I found out about him only because I had read some of her e-mails, which I shouldn't have done, and I got her to fess up about everything. I found out through some prying that this guy she liked was playing her, and lying to her. In fact, he had been playing multiple women. So I told her and of course she was mad, but also happy that I had found this out.
She wants to remain friends with me, we still talk a lot, I mostly am the one initiating the conversations. I'm still madly in love with her, I can't ger her out of my thoughts. I want to run after her, I strongly feel like this is the woman I could spend the rest of my life with. Recently we had met to go out for ice cream and just chat. Amongst all the feelings I had welling up, I ended up kissing her without warning. She didn't really kiss back, she wasn't upset either though.
I can't help but wonder, is she over me? Do I stand an ice cubes chance in hell getting her back? I've asked her if she ever thought that down the road we might be together again. She replied with "you never know". I also askd her if she thought she was completely over me, if she had any feelings left for me. And she tells me she doesn't want to comment, it's too confusing for her. I love her, with all my hear and soul I love her. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for this girl.
This coming fall she is moving to England for a year to be an au pair for an English family, and I am moving to California to start my career as an animator. She has told me that once she returns from England she would like to go to school in California (she loves it there because it's where she grew up) and that she would like to hang out with me when she moves down there.
I don't want to see this girl slip from my fingers and into the arms of another man. It sounds a bit selfish but I want to spend my life with her, I know right now isn't too good of an idea to start, but down the line I want to be with her. Being in breakups before I know that deep down my heart won't stop loving her, wanting her, it doesn't want to stop.
So my questions to you are how do I deal with this situation? Is there any hope left for me? Should I persue her in hopes of one day being together again?
I don't have a lot more to say than yesterday.
My gut feeling is that you stand a very good chance of reconnecting with her when she returns. And don't forget the idea of visiting her if you can for a short time. Be sensitive to her situation there and suggest it lightly.
Both of you in California sounds great and something you should look forward to. The fact that she is in favor of the idea is a great plus for you.
You should keep up an email or phone relationship if you can but don't overdo it. She will have a job that will keep her quite busy. But, who knows she may find it boring over there.
Certainly you should pursue her. One of the greatest regrets you can have in life is to not try something that, looking back, you should have done. After all, nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Don't feel that you are selfish... you are in love. And, she will acknowledge your feelings as long as you make them clear without being overbearing. From the sounds of it you are doing just fine in that department.
Hope this helps a little more,
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com