She's white, I'm asian, how do we get together?

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
There is a girl I really like her. She is my cousin's friend. We always say hi to each other.The problem is we all in junior year and we all expect ourselves to get into highly compactive college. In this circumstance, how can I have a futher friendship with her; I don't want to screw up our school work. Also, we have not known each other for a long time, what I should not do that will make her upset.
Another problem is she is white I'm asian. Advice
I'll take the questions in reverse order. First, it doesn't matter at all that you're asian and she's white! Thousands and thousands of people date because they care for each other, and don't care about body shape/size/color. Lots of blacks date whites, asians date whites, asians date blacks, hispanics date whites, you name it. Think of just 100 years ago when Irish weren't "white", when Italians weren't "white". The idea of what is different from something else changes over time. You begin to realize that they're all just arbitrary lines. Soon asians may be considered "white", just like hispanics are pretty much considered "white" nowadays. Every one of us has our own unique color, and none of them in fact are "white", it's more "pink" or "brown" or "yellow-pink" or whatever :)

Next, you don't want to screw up your school work. Nobody really does, I imagine. Yet just about every high school student dates or wants to date. It's a normal part of high school. I know tons of honor students that quite happily date. It's a matter of balance. Life cannot be 100% about schoolwork. In fact most top schools won't accept a student that is JUST a schoolwork kid because they feel that kid has no balance. They like kids that do other things - sports, social activities, volunteer work. They want a well rounded person. A girlfriend can be a VERY important part of that rounding. If you two for example go do volunteer work at a senior center together, or study together, or exercise together, you can be VERY encouraging parts of each others lives. You can help each other strive to be the best, and help console each other when you run into trouble.

Finally, all relationships begin with people who don't know each other. It's one of those facts of life. So all people have to somehow GET to know each other. Start with friendship! Talk with her, get to know her, learn about her. Share yourself with her. You'll find over time how well you two work together and can take it from there.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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