logo


Romantic Forums! Get the answers you seek quickly and easily! If you can't find what you need
here amongst our tens of thousands of tips and questions, be sure to Post in our Romantic Forum!
We've got over 9,800 members ready to give you a hand!
A Love Quote
Love alone matters. -- St. Therese of Lisieux



I'm Super Jealous of my Ex



Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My boyfriend and I were together for over three years. We started going out when we were sophomores in high school, so he was my first everything and so important to me. While we were together, I became very emotionally attached him to and also had serious problems of always being jealous and starting little fights between us just so I could see his reaction.

Well close to a year ago he broke up with me, and I still can not get over him. I have dated other guys in the meantime, but I always get sick of them and go back to my Ex. We go to the same college so I see him a lot, and I want to because I do miss him as a friend. I am still in love with him I think, but I know I don't want to be with him because I want to be single also.

The problem is that since I can not get over him, and I am already a jealous person, I flip out when he is with other girls. I found out he kissed another girl, and I was so upset and I just could not take it. But when I kissed other guys, I didn't think it would be a big problem at all.

I want more than anything to be friends with him, but I just don't know how that can possibly work. I just want to be happy again and I want him in my life. How can I look past my jealous feelings and how I feel about him, so him and I can be true friends?




RomanceClass.com Advice
Jealousy can be a REALLY damaging emotion - not just for the person you're constantly harassing with it, but also for yourself. Most of us want to be happy, and when you're jealous, you're not happy. Instead you're upset and afraid and angry. So it's in your own best interest to try to deal with this.

I have a page on tips about jealousy -

http://www.romanceclass.com/miscr/LoveSCat/65042

It comes down to feeling good about yourself, and not allowing that feeling to be "damaged" by what someone else does. Just because your ex kisses other women, it doesn't mean ANYTHING about how he felt about you when he was with you. It's not that they're better or sexier or anything else. Also, just because your ex is not with you, it doesn't mean he should become a monk. Yes, he cared for you when he was with you. But he still deserves pleasure in his life! And kissing is one way he finds that pleasure. So you should be happy for him that he's finding pleasure in life, and it shouldn't affect your own self esteem that he is doing so.

Any time you start to feel a twinge of jealousy, remind yourself of that. Remember, this is all in your HEAD :) So you have to fight that there. You have to retrain your brain to stop thinking that way. One way that works well that I list on the tip page is to get yourself bored with the jealousy. Right now it hits you hard when it comes up. Make yourself realize it's not that bad.

Get a tape and tape yourself talking about a trigger situation - like seeing your boyfriend kissing a girl. Describe it in gory detail. Now play it over and over and over again. Listen really hard to it. Sure, it'll trigger jealousy the first time. Maybe the first 10 times. But after a while you'll get sick of it. And you'll say "SO WHAT!!!" You have to get to that point, when you realize, so what! He's having fun kissing someone. I *want* him to be happy and have fun. I'm a good kisser and I have my own guys. What he does doesn't have any effect on my desireability.

Good luck!

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com





Add RomanceClass  to Twitter Add RomanceClass  to Facebook Add RomanceClass  to MySpace Add RomanceClass  to Del.icio.us Digg RomanceClass+ Add RomanceClass  to Yahoo My Web Add RomanceClass  to Google Bookmarks Add RomanceClass  to Stumbleupon Add RomanceClass  to Reddit
 


Speak Your Mind - Share your Thoughts on this Question!

All Advice in the category - Breakup Issues

Browse our Answer Database
- Browse Answers by Question Category
- Browse Answers by Age Group
- Browse Answers by Date of Response



Please read through the advice on this site before you Submit your Own Question! We have thousands of pages of valuable advice that can immediately help you with your situation.
Advertisement


Sparkly Irridescent Glitz Gel

Going to a party or special event? What to feel special no matter what you're doing? Roll on some glitz! Perfect for adding a special bit of sparkle to your day or evening.

Buy Glitz Gel at EclecticLady.com




Bookmark this site so you can reference it any time you need romantic / relationship info in the future!

Add Romance+Class+Website+ to Twitter Add Romance+Class+Website+ to Facebook Add Romance+Class+Website+ to MySpace Add Romance+Class+Website+ to Del.icio.us Digg Romance+Class+Website+ Add Romance+Class+Website+ to Yahoo My Web Add Romance+Class+Website+ to Google Bookmarks Add Romance+Class+Website+ to Stumbleupon Add Romance+Class+Website+ to Reddit


 

Follow Me on Pinterest


Romantic Tshirts, Bags, Mugs and More!

Love is Patient
Love is Patient ...
Deeply Loved
Deeply Loved ...
Random Kindness
Random Kindness ...

These are just a small selection - Visit the RomanceClass Shop!

Join This Newsletter!


 
RomanceClass on Facebook




Join This Newsletter!

Past Issues





| About RomanceClass | Advertising | Privacy Policy | Submit a Suggestion |
All content copyright 2013 Minerva WebWorks LLC. All rights reserved.

this site is for amusement only - professional advice is not being rendered

Italian Wedding