I fear I may be wasting my time - and time is more important to me than it ever was
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I have had a trying year.
The one beacon of light was the fact that my boyfriend of 3 years professed that he wants to have a future with me at the beginning of last year. I am a very get-ahead, do it yesterday person and he is the opposite when it comes to anything other than his work.
About every three months, I would find myself becoming exasperated at the fact that we never spoke about anything practical regarding the future unless I initiated the discussion. When I did so, my normally animated boyfriend would clam up or becomes monosyllabic.
However, at the end of school term when he finally has time to talk, he leaves the country for a month leaving me with unanswered questions. If I can get more than 3 mails - not calls - during this time I am doing well.
When he comes back, I am normally quietly seething with stress, anger and resentment .
This year I was diagnosed with MS. Not the end of the world but I do have to think more carefully about where I live, when I have children etc. I am 34, he is 37 and I think it's time to act like grown-ups.
His response is that he is not so worried about the future as I am - note the first person SINGULAR - he doesn't look at us as a "WE", rather a "Me and you".
He says he feels that I am ungrateful for all the things he does for me. He says he wants more fun - but it's hard to have fun when you feel someone is inflicting pain.
I need to stop stressing for my health, I don't want to lose someone who started out as my friend, but I fear I may be wasting my time - and time is more important to me than it ever was.
Sorry this was so long.
Yes, time is awasting.
Your concerns are all valid and the actions or non-actions of your boyfriend are disturbing.
One or both of you need to see a marriage counselor to sort out what is going on or better how to fix what is going wrong.
You really need to solve this problem asap.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com