She needs a counselor
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
Hello, I am a divorced 38 yr old male who a few months back I met a 43 yr old lady online who happens to be a recent widow (Nov 2003). We have casually dated since, and now I find myself at a point where I can easily fall for her. To most, she puts on a good poker face and hides her feelings. I, however, can see through her walls and have gotten her to open up and talk about her and her husband and her feelings, which no one really has been able to. In a short period of time we have become very close friends and occasional lovers. We get along so well and have so much in common! She is still grieving, understandably, and she cannot see past herself and today. She says there is a majority of her heart that is gone and can never be replaced and that there is not enough left to give to someone else. I know she is still going through the grieving process yet I also know by the look in her eyes and actions that she has a lot of love to give but she is afraid of being hurt or worse off losing someone else. I called her out on that and she somewhat agreed yet will change it to she is destined to be alone the rest of her life. I would like nothing more than to eventually have a committed relationship with her but I know I need to keep my distance somewhat...It will make it a little harder in a month or two as do to circumstances I will be moving in with her as a roommate. My question to you is what can I do, and help her do, to help her get over her grief and see that we can have a good future together? I know one response I will get is Time, which to me is a very painful word...Are there any other suggestions? Any input would be greatly appreciated... Thank you!
"Wanting To Love a Beautiful Widow"
She needs a counselor to help her work her way through her hurt.
You are providing her an incredible amount of positive radiation of feelings, so keep on doing what you are doing. There is a saying that it takes a month of grieving to make up for one year of marriage. So you may be coming near the point where she can comfortably relinquish her feelings for her loss.
You are right that time is an element in her giving up her hurt. So keep on doing what you are doing, and as time passes things should improve. It sounds like you are doing well so far.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com