At First it was Just Sex ... could it be love now?
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
I was hoping you could help me with some subtle wonderings ive been having about my relationship with my boyfriend of 1 yr and 3 mnths.
We started as friends who slept together after bad break ups, hes the kinda guy very into these sorts of relationships ,but both decided seems we had the same plans and we didnt wnat to do them alone we may as well stick together (our plans were studying abroad in usa coincidently both wanted to and he was wanting to do it for ages but too scared to alone).
The problem is, if there is one ,that im begining to become quite attached and im worried because he said hes only with me for company and sex and hes scared to get too close to people and best of in these kinda of relationships without bein too emotionaly involved i suppose.
Do you think tho maybe he is in love with me and just scared or do you think i should take what he says seriously..i mean i know i should seriously but is it possible that some people stay together just to have someone or just for sex or just for security or money or whatever reasons other then love????? i know some ppl are really mixed up when omes to love but i guess im a person who finds things like stayin with someone this long just for these reasons hard to understand..can you help me??? what do you think..look forwad to your reply..
Relationships definitely evolve over time. Few people go on that first date thinking, "I plan on marrying this one woman" without even really knowing her. That's what dating is all about, seeing what the other person is really like, how they handle hardships, how you work together, how you get along with the family.
So the fact that you started out just for the sex doesn't really matter, lust is a pretty common way for relationships to start :) All relationships evolve over time, growing, changing, getting deeper. You guys know much more about each other now than you did in the beginning. If you couldn't get along, you would have broken up. Many couples do, so the fact that you guys stuck it out and have lasted together is a really important sign.
So the question is, what is love? The word is different for every person. But for most people, it involves trusting the person, caring for the person, wanting to make the person happy, knowing the person makes you happy. Normally if you're with someone for a year or more, you've got at least some level of love going.
And really, "like" is just as important if not more important than love. Like means that you enjoy their company, have fun with them, like the hobbies they like, that you guys are best friends. That's one of the things that keeps a couple together for the years, that friendship.
So anyway, what you feel for him and what he feels for you are things only you and he know. I would sit down with him and tell him how you feel, and encourage him to do the same. No matter what words you happen to use, after a year together, communication is still key in any relationship.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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