Jealous feelings jeopardize relationship
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My bf and i have been together 2 years up until recently i trusted him fully and thou we had our ups and downs i knew he loved me.
He always said if he cheated he would have to tell me as he wouldnt be able to live with the guilt but when i asked him about a girl he used to be friends with and whether they have been together in anyway he said no but that he might not tell me anyhow even if they had and then he made a comment about his brothers ex (his brother passed away some years ago) girlfrend saying that if something happened between them it would be ok as she isnt actually related.
He knows i have some jealousy issues which i am trying to come to terms with so why would he make such comments as this? He says he loves me but dosent like to show his emotions and then comes out with comments like that which make me feel insecure.
He is also still in contact with a girl half his age he is 32 she is 18 they got close but decided against a relationship as he did not want people to think he was a cradle snatcher but he kept a picture of her and love letters and goes to visit her only once every few months but without telling me he says she lives with her father and that she has a bf now and that they are never alone.
I have asked him to take me with him but he says that it might end up causing an arguement as i am so jealous of her but i cant help but think that he wishes he had got with her and not me.
This is destroying me part of me knows he wouldnt cheat he has been cheated on in the past by his exs and says he wouldnt put anyone through that and that i shouldnt be jealous but then why does he make such comments and do such things?
Sounds to me like he is just living his life and being honest with you.
You need to calm down your jealousy demons and live happily with him. You wouldn't want to drive him away by being too controlling.
Jealousy is a very hard habit to break. Read our tips on this subject at: http://www.romanceclass.com/miscr/LoveCat/23682
Especially try the technique of "talking back" to your jealous thoughts and feelings... letting those feelings know that they are not valid and can't hurt you. They will eventually go away.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com