Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
This is a story, of me and a girl I met at college. she's a year older, i'm 19, she's 20.
she broke up with her boyfriend the day after me and her hung out. they went out for 1.5 years. highs and lows. lately been just lows. hes a dick and selfish, all her friends hate him. her dad died last year so she's very attached to her ex because he was there for her
so everything was great between us, we started sleeping together 4 days after we met, so it was pretty instant, and it was more then just a hook up thing, even though she told me "i dont want a a relationship right now.. its too early" i said fine. she said she wanted to be friends, but her actions spoke louder then words and i knew how she felt for me, she always said i really miss you, i really like you.. etc. we got along great, all her friends love me
its been 2 months
so lately she started talking to her ex again, and i started to worry because i really care about her and don't want to lose her, and so i kept asking.. what's going on. and so this weekend she told me she can't pursue her feelings for me any longer, she wants to be just friends, she has other stronger feelings that are dominant.. out of nowhere. i was like woah
yeah so at first, i was like there's no way i could be friends with you. and i stopped talking to her, for about 3 days, then i just couldn't take it anymore, and i said why are you doing this.. this is so stupid.. etc. i saw her on tuesday and spoke to her in person. i gave her a shirt i got her over break, i wanted to leave but she wouldn't let me she wanted to talk. i told her how i felt. i can't be friends.. she said if thats what i have to do then fine. she gave me like a minute long hug and wouldn't let go when i tried so then that night i decided maybe i should just be friends with her, its better to have her in my life then not.. i tried, but then yesterday i couldn't take it anymore. i told her we shouldn't talk anymore
She said if we stopped talking, it would "kill her" she really cares about me, and really wants me as a friend, even though she still has feelings for me
Now i don't know what to do. I know what i will do, haven't talked to her in 2 days, if she really cares, she will come to me.. if not then maybe in a couple months I will ask her out for coffee
but my question is.. the reason why i'm here.. what did i do wrong? was it inevitable? i played my cards so right, i was perfect. she told me why she didn't like her boyfriend, and i capitalized and did the opposite (was great to her, and hung out with her and her friends.. etc)
also.. is there anything I can do to get her back NOW? instead of waiting and being friends and hoping she will realize her mistake
Thanks a lot in advance, i've just been very miserable lately, and really need some guidance. i'm usually never like this. i never really get attached, i just really felt a connection with her, and want to pursue it.
Sorry you are in this situation.
You did nothing wrong except be the right person for the wrong reasons. She "rebounded" from her ex to you. So everything seemed perfect for awhile until she gathered her feelings and wanted to return to her ex.
You should be her friend and ask her out for coffee some time, as you suggested. At this point any stronger activity by you will just push her away.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com