Jealousy causes problems in long-distance romance

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
Hello, My name is J* and I have met my soulmate, but I have found I have a huge problem with jealousy. I have been married twice and dated alot. The first marriage, I actually got involved with swinging, and even did porn professionally. Bad as that sounds, it was just me being someone I'm not. That marriage ended when she left me for a drug dealer. Then dated until I married a second time. This marriage I whole heartly feel I did cause I was lossing my mother and she was an online friend that worked her way into my life just as I found out my mother had cancer. When we split, we both admitted that we never really cared for eachother in the first place. I was just a friend in need and she was doing what she thought was best. Fact is I strongly believe that I have never been in Love. Never had a jealous bone in my body...never felt the need to worry even when my second wife stayed out w/ my friends and admitted the sex they had the next day. I flat didn't care.
But now I meet my soulmate. She's 36 to my 33 and she has never been married but has 2 kids. She's everything I never knew existed in a female. She's taught me how to Love and I've experienced feeling with her I never knew were there. She's in England and I'm in US and just got back from a month long visit, so I know she is the one I was put here for. Ok, but after the visit I find myself worried to death I'm gonna loss her cause she's online (yahoo, msn, or aim) and I see visions in my head of her talking to a guy who she met just like she met me. I have read her personal emails and one email was a thank You note from a friend inwhich she and him were having a drink during the time we were together but before we met in person. She says was just a friendly lunch meeting, but I see alot more. I am feeling total jealousy for the first time as far as a chic is concerned. It really is ruining us and I can't stand the thought of her being w/ someone else, but my brain says she is everytime I see her on one of her chats (cause we have chats just for us) or I don't see her online for days. I truely believe she is guilty of nothing but my brain says otherwise. What can I do?

Hope this isn't that 8 page novel y'all mentioned

Thank You Very Much,
J* Advice
The jealousy habit has ruined many a good relationship.

Trust is one of the most important elements of togetherness. You need to build up your strength of trust in your loved one. It takes determination and self-control. Do this: whenever a jealous thought enters your mind, say to it "She's my girl, she loves me and wouldn't leave me." After about 100 times of saying this to the thoughts, they will give up coming into your mind because you have rejected them so often they give up trying to bother you.

Also talk with your partner about your jealousy in calm, affectionate, non-threatening way. She should provide you will helpful feedback.

Hope this works out for you!

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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