She's Getting Over her Ex

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
This year I met this girl in High School and we've really hit it off. We're just freinds and all but I've known her about 3 months only and we've gone to a couple movies,our school semi formal things like that. We talk everyday on MSN and once and a while on the phone. About a month ago maybe a little before that I asked her out and her answer was she needed some time because she'd just broken up with a guy after 10 mounths and I guess the relationship meant a lot to her.

So of course that's fine with me and I said so but things have been getting weird. I dunno how to explain it but these last few weeks she's been acting weird.It use to be whenever I came on MSN it was heyyy like an anthusiastic start to a convo but now it seems she never says hey and I have to start one with her.And sometimes she almost sounds annoyed at me.So I of course asked her what was wrong one day and asked if I'd done or said anything......she replied that I hadn't and wondered why I'd think that.So after that I figured everything would be back to normal but it's stayed the same.I dunno what's going on is she mad at me or what????

I asked her again a little before I'm writing this if everything was alright with her cause she seemed a little strange and she said yes and emphasized that she had quote "ALOT on my mind lately". And I asked about the stoppage of convo starters but she claims she doesn't like to start convos and rarely ever does.....I find this weird cause she use to always with me I'm confussed.

I can't keep goin back to her for this stuff it'll get annoying for her and she thanked me for caring and seemed pleased that I asked. What I'm asking is do you guys have any ideas on how to get this relationship back on track add a spark to it. I think she might be scared to get into a relationship after her past one and is trying not to get too close to me or something. I have no idea but I'm really concerned cause I like her a lot and we just have this chemistry that connects us but lately it's not been happening. In person she's a completelty different person and we talk and she's real nice and then later that night maybe we'll be on MSN and she doesn't seem to wanna talk.

Maybe I'm overeacting about this but I'd like to know what you guys think. I'd really like to get us back on track because I'm probably gonna ask her out again sometime soon maybe with next 2 weeks but I can't really do it with this going on. And another thing her ex b/f the one that had the 10 month relationship likes her again or something. It's making me mad because she wants to let it go and move on but this guy is telling her he loves her and has asked her out again she rejected him but he keeps going.

I dunno what to think I know it's probably bad for me she's not gonna be ready for a relationship if he keeps this crap up. I'm told from her friends she doesn't like him anymore and is trying to forget him completelty but he's making that difficult. She told me when I asked her out that she was having trouble letting go of the realationship but things were over between them.

This is a messed up situation so can you please give me some good advice? Also I'd like to hear your guy's opinion on the idea of playing hard to get. Advice
Definitely it is VERY important to let her get over her ex. Things can be really, really confusing when you're on the rebound, just read all the other letters on the site from people who were on the rebound and jumped into a new relationship that they regretted. You have to be really clear of an old relationship before you can be in a new relationship and have it work out well.

So it sounds like you're doing well being her friend, talking to her, listening to her, trying to spend time with her. And maybe as you started getting ready to ask her out again she sensed that, and didn't want to get into a relationship again, and didn't want to deal with the pressure of you trying to ask her out when she wasn't ready. That and the fact that her old boyfriend is pressuring her too is probably causing her to just withdraw in general. Also, there may be other things going on in her family or school that she has to deal with.

If she's feeling stressed, now is NOT the time to try to ask her out. What she needs is a friend. IM can be intrusive sometimes - if she's busy doing something else, and your IM pops in while she's focussed on something, it can be annoying. So try to keep up contact in other ways. Call her on the phone, which is more personal. Talk to her in person. Find ways to take her out more as a friend to movies and whatever things she likes to do for hobbies.

The more you stay in her life, and remind her you're a fun, helpful, caring person, the better. You don't want her to think of you as a "persuing boyfriend". She already had one of those and she is trying to get rid of him. You want her to think of you as a "real, caring person" - one that she wants to be with.

Good luck!

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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