She cheated, he cheated, divorce, now she is jealousy obsessed

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I was married. I cheated on him with someone he did not know, admitted it, stopped it and attempted to move on. He become obsessively jealous. He then cheated on me with my best friend and also with our neighbor, and he also came on to several of my friends. I left him. He begged me back but kept seeing the neighbor. I have now been alone for over 3 years. I cannot seem to have a normal relationship. I get insanely jealous quickly. I do not trust men or best friends or anyone for that matter (even myself). I am sad and depressed and cannot seem to break these destructive thought patterns. I am so afraid that it will all happen again. I am 37 years old and want so badly to be loved and to love in a secure relationship. It seems to be getting worse not better. I am out of ideas. Please help me. All the reading does not help. It is still so real in my mind. I cannot seem to get past the fear. Please respond ASAP. I have talked to priests and seen numerous counselors but I always slip into my old fears. Thanks. Advice
Since you have talked with priests and several counselors, I doubt that my advice is going to help you very much.

The strategy I advise is to find some words you can say to yourself whenever jealous feelings arise. Since trust is a large part of your variety of jealousy try thinking of words that include the word trust in them.

For example if you are feeling jealous of a best friend say "She is my best friend who I trust will not hurt me."

Use this technique every time a jealous thought arises and pretty soon the jealousy habit will get tired of being rejected over and over and give up.

Hope this helps some!

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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