My true love left, and suddenly I'm wildly in love with someone else

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Hey you guys! I have a real big problem. I had a boyfriend and we broke up because of complications, but often I would see him all of the time and he would always spend time with me and my family. I thought that I had really, truly loved him, but all of a sudden when he left to attend school and I hadn't seen him in a while, things begin to change.

I met this other guy and now I have instantly fallen for him. I've always had a crush on him, but ever since my boyfriend (ex-boyfriend) left for school, I feel so 'in love' with this new guy whom I thought I would never get serious with! It seems like since my friend has left me, I don't even like him anymore. Is something wrong? Was what I felt with my ex infatuation or true love that is just on temporary hiatus? What should I do? Please help! Advice
It sounds like you're going through the traditional rebound period of life. Just about everyone rebounds a few times in life, if not many, many times. That's why you have to be SO careful about what you do during a rebound, because your emotions can be so skewed.

When you break up with someone, you feel all sorts of things. You feel incredibly lonely, you feel sad you had to break up, you feel rejected, you feel angry that it didn't work, you feel happy you're free and loose again. Now into all of that comes someone who is attractive to you, and this person shows an interest in you. ZAP!! Now suddenly you have a new focus for all your emotions, you PROVE to yourself that you're worthy after all, that the other guy was a jerk to break up with you, it all spirals into a gigantic love-fest.

You mentally "lower" the other guy to shield yourself from hurt. He didn't mean anything to you anyway! It's good that he's gone! You see this new guy through rose-colored glasses. He's so much better than the other old guy! How could the two even compare! You're so much happier!

This will all settle down in time. Yes, it can actually be that your new guy IS better than the old guy for you. But he could be worse, or more likely, he can be just AS good, just in different ways. If you've learned things from the previous breakup, your current relationship can be much better with your new knowledge about how to work on a relationship. But if you just jumped from old to new without much thought, the new relationship can easily be just as bad, because you're about to make the exact same mistakes again.

In any case, enjoy the rush while it lasts, it's one of the fun parts of dating. But make sure you get those eyes open soon, and look at the WHOLE relationship you are in now, not just the shiny-glowy-happy parts. A relationship has to last long after the new-love rush is gone, and long into the times of grumpiness and crankiness and general chore-doing. Make sure that you work on the real relationship underneath, so that it survives time.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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