Girlfriend is jealous
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
I really need your advice about my fiance who is Danish (adopted from Korea as a child). We have been together for four years now and I love her to bits but we have had a problem since we first met with her jealousy. I am 38 and she is 32 and we are now living in Denmark after working in Cambodia for two years teaching together.
She is a very insecure, meek and mild person and has a low self-esteem. Before she met me, i am told that she was very shy and would look at the floor rather than look and speak to people.
The problem is that my fiance becomes jealous about every female i come into contact with. This has included women considerably older than myself who i have worked for, work colleagues and people i speak to. We are now living in a small rural village in Denmark where it is difficult for me to make friends. I attend a language school everyday and the only people I have really formed friendships with are from there. There is another girl at the school who is Thai and fun to chat to. However, she has taken an interest in me, so i am very wary, not to give her the wrong signals. There is only one other Native English speaker there and we have become friends. The problem is that she is a young single mother. During the recent heavy snows here, I have offered to help her drop off her child at the local kindergarden and then give her a lift to school. Now, my girlfriend is accusing me of having an unhealty interest in young girls. I love my fiance very much and always dote upon her to show her my love.
It has got to the point where i hide an innocent text message or phone call from a friend because i know the problems it could cause. I really want my friends to be hers to, but it scares me to suggest this. She has caused public scenes in the past during a party when when i received a telephone call from a female school student wishing me a happy new year.
I really am not sure if i am facing cultural, normal or psychological issues, or if maybe the problem is me.
I consider myself to be an open and friendly person and i would like to think that most people like me. I also find it easier to form friendships with women rather than men.
What should I do? I worry that this is going to detroy our otherwise lovely relationship.
Jealousy is a terrible thing all around. It can poison a good relationship.
From what you have told me, it sounds like you are perfectly normal and should be trusted. Clearly your fiance has low self-esteem and that is causing the problem. Try to think of ways to reassure her that you won't leave her. Whenever she complains, tell her "You are far more attractive than the other woman and that you love her not anyone else."
She should gradually become less threatened when you meet other women. I would advise you NOT to hide things from her because if she catches you doing it it will increase her jealousy.
Ask her if she is willing to try to become less jealous and if she is, that will help things go in the right direction. If she refuses, then you can either put up with it all your life or find someone new. My advice is to keep trying to convince her that jealousy is bad for your relationship.
Hope things work out for you two!
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com