Her mother and grandmother obstacles to his love
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Male
I need some desperate advice and help. I am 19 years old and my now ex-girlfriend is almost 18. We were together for over a year, and throughout that year we had a lot of good times but also not so good times. Basically this is the third time of her breaking up with me within that time period. The first time was because of we were having issues and she was at the time I guess if you want to call it "relationshiply immature" so she just ended it but then came back and apologized and realized that there are gonna be some hard times and that she can't just run away from them. So things were doing pretty good except with trust. She has broken my trust on more than one occasion. And so with that I was always worrying, analyzing, accusing, and questioning situations and scenarios. But with that in mind we dealt with them and moved on but then the second time she broke up with me was because I introduced a promise ring for her for Christmas in which she loved her Mom and Grandma pressured her out of our own relationship for who knows why. They would stipulate that they liked me but thought that we weren't right for each other. So after that, she came back to me once again realizing that she loved me and that she would not let her Mom and Grandmother dictate of who she should or shouldn't love. So as time progressed after getting back together from the second break-up things weren't too smooth because I never completely trusted her with certain things. But I told her that she broke my trust many times in the past and it's going to take a while to gain that trust back, but knowing this I still wasn't willing to give up and was willing to finally trust her fully again with time. So as time progressed she built that trust up with me again, but as soon as I was almost completely trusting her, she broke it again by calling me a derogatory name when I was doing nothing but trying to help her and she later realized what she did and apologized and hoped for me to still stay with her, in which I did. So now we are at the third time and what happened was that I feel her Mom was slowly trying to cut us off by limiting my ex's freedoms with going places and out with me, but would have no problem if she was doing something else or somewhere else, but it seemed that if it was with me, that it was always "you spend too much time with him". So with this not seeing her anymore as often and her Mom in control of the situation, of course frustration occured of not being able to see each other, mostly on my end though because it was like all of a sudden after over a year, there were all these stipulations being thrown down, even with her still doing what she was always told to and getting good grades that only entailed A's and B's. And it seemed like there was always excuses from her Mother of why she couldn't see me this day or that day. So I one night, asked her a question to see how she truly felt about all of this and me being scared of one day her breaking up with me again because her Mother and Grandmother and them not approving of our relationship like she did last time. So the question I asked was if we were still together in 4-5 years and wanted to get married (like we would always plan and talk about), would she still marry me if her Mother and Grandmother didn't approve even by then. And she said well, if they still wouldn't approve of our relationship, even though they like you but not approving of us, then I wouldn't be able to marry you because I cannot marry someone without my Mother and Grandmother's approval. So when I heard this I was hurt very much and went through the actions of even breaking up with her and giving her class ring back because to me I feel in love there is no compromise, and that unconditional love is exactly what it stipulates, unconditionally meaning no matter what. And by her saying that it through off signals to me that she didn't love me maybe as much as I love her. And I may have said some things that angered her (but not intentionally) and she took personal, because I guess blood is thicker than water. So I went through the actions of breaking up with her (in which I did one other time but never went through with it either), like I said but when it came down to it I couldn't go through with it because I love her too much and could not say goodbye for good. But then it switched on me and she broke up with me and she said that from this situation she realized a lot and maybe she isn't ready like she thought, and she said she feels that we aren't meant to be for each other right now. But then when I was crying on her shoulder and saying of how I wanted to marry her, have kids with her, and grow old with her. She looked at me and said "I'm still not giving up on that dream." Which has me confused right now. So I don't know what to think and if possibly you can let me know what are my chances of me and her getting back together. And what I should do and what do you think from here?!?!?!?! PLEASE HELP ME ASAP!!!!!!!! I am missing her dearly and cannot live without her!!!!!
Any idea why her mother and grandmother don't like you? It might help if you knew what it was and could figure out how to overcome it. It seems that your ex still cares about you a lot. My advice is to get back together with her as you have done in the past. Continue your relationship and don't worry so far into the future. Ask your ex what you could do to improve your relationship with her mother and grandmother.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com