How to fight jealousy

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
My name is Ryan. I aplogise for submitting this email as I have not gone through everything on your website. please forgive me. My fiancÍ and I have had a long distance relationship for the past year. She comes's to visit me When she has the money and I go visit her when I have the money, or we pay for each other to see each other. I made the biggest mistake of my life when she and I were fighting and I was looking for comfort from somone and it felt like she was wasn't giving me any. I cheated on her, not because I was attracted to the woman I did it with, purely because I wanted attention. I wanted to be needed. She found out the truth, and I told her everything. Now that the "cheating on her" incident has passed it feels like our relationship has gotten alot stronger. I get jealous everytime she goes out and I can't stand it because that's not the man i want her to be with. When she goes out I feel insecure because I don't know what she's doing or if she is going to cheat on me to spite me. When she goes out, It feels like she doesn't me anymore? We have had endless arguments about this. It still doesn't feel like she cares when she goes out. I have no friends in this town I moved to. No one to confide into. Please tell me what to do, to control the jealous rage I have inside me and help me control my insecurities. I love this woman more than life itself. I would greatly appreciate anyone's help. Please tell me what to do. Advice
To get over jealousy you need to trust your partner. To build that trust, you need to communicate (not confrontationally) about your fears. Tell her your feelings and ask her for advice about how to deal with it. If she is unhelpful, try this method: whenever a jealous feeling comes up, say to yourself "She loves me and wouldn't do anything to hurt me" Say it every time you get that jealous feeling. Try a different mantra if that one gets stale or it no longer helps.

Good luck!

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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