Beautiful girl dumped and wants to know why
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
I wrote to you earlier about my ex and you concluded that he may have been insecure about my looks and was contstantly worried that i was going to leave him..and my decison on not going to his dance confirmed his worries. I told him that i wanted to get back with him and he said that no he was with somone who he didnt have to woory about. she says she loves him, obsesses over him, does all the things that he did for me basically. I realize now that he placed me on a pedestal during our relationship, and that doesnt work. We had a serious chat about what happened and he said he felt "below" me and i rmemeber him saying he felt inadequate during our good times. But see, if he is an insecure person, why isnt he having the same doubts about this new girl. He deosnt worry, his family (who i am very close to, they can;t understand why he left me either) tell me that he seems less stressed now. But why was i such a burden? now he doesnt even talk to me. i asked him if he was totally over me and he said "i'm holding back my feelings for you, i'm choosing not to love you because you hurt me". This situaton bothers me because it all happened in his mind. He thought i rjected him when i really didnt, and when i cleared it up he wads still so full of hate that he proceeded to say nasty things to me and said "no , i know as soon as you find someone better then me youu'll leave me". He is not very nice to me anymore. He is not repeating the same pattern with this new chick. By the way, the person he is with now, he rejected her for me for the dance, he never saw her as more then just a friend. But when i hurt him, he ran to her for comfort. He says she makes him feel loved. But please, he's a senior in highschool and since when do we need that serious of a relationship in highschool? regardless, why is he not insecure over her? why did he assume the worst in me? again, i still like him, but i think he may be too insecure to date me. but it sucks because i'm alone and he is happier without me it seems. he cut me off completely. he said he liked me too much, which is true, because as i said before he had never reatced like this towards a girl before. I'm not asking of how to get back with him. I just need some closure on the situation. He wasso sweet to me, and then when he thought i rejected him...well he's like dr. jeckyll and mr. hyde in a way. Noone understands why he is acting this way. I asked him once if he hated me and he said no, but he said that he wanted me so much and that when i didnt say i love you he felt rejected. and the entire time he kept doubting and thought i was out of his league. so anyways, why is he not doing the same thing with her? i dont get it, i was nothing but nice to him. When ever he lashes out at me i dont say anything back. I feel bad for making him hurt, but the fact is it really wasnt me who hurt him, it was his own worries and assumptions. I want to move on, but how can i without closure of some kind. could you provide me with some speculation of why he did what he did and why he isnt even talking to me now?
I think you have already answered all the answers to speculation. The only open question I see is your wondering about why he doesn't feel the same about the new girlfriend. From your previous email, you are appparently strikingly attractive. I would venture a guess that this new girl is not out of his league, at least in his mind... which is all that counts.
Can't see much more closure available.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com