He Surfs all Day and Parties all Night
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
he has been living with me for 4 months does not work and never home when i get home form work and never invites me to go any wear with him. i want him to be home and invite me to go along with him when he leaves and i would like to know how i can help him.what do say to him ? and he is on the computer 10 hours a day help.
It sounds like he's living the easy life - you're his sugar mommy. You work, you probably take care of the apartment and such in other ways. And in return he surfs on the web all day, goes out and parties all night, and doesn't bother to include you. It doesn't sound like you're his girlfriend, it sort of sounds like you're his mom!
I'd sit down with him and explain that a relationship is a two way street. You two are supposed to be a team. That means you both put in to take care of all responsibilities, and that you both share the good times as well. It doesn't mean that he makes you pay for everything, and then he goes out and has fun without you.
He has to at least go out and get some sort of a job. There are thousands of jobs out there to earn money. Yes, some aren't fun, but you know, this is the real world. In the real world you earn a living even if it involves WORK. And in the real world, you spend time with the people you love, you don't abandon them. So it's time for him to start showing you he can be an equal part of your relationship and support his half.
Otherwise, I'd really first see a therapist with him, and then I'd encourage you to have him move out until he's responsible enough to shoulder his own weight. Really, it only gets harder and harder the longer you go to get this guy standing on his own. He's just going to get more and more used to the system the way it is and you'll never have a partner that is meaningful to you. It will literally wear you down after time, and you'll be completely miserable. You deserve someone who is a real partner, not someone who wants to be a kid forever.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com