Tell him no

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My exboyfriend was my bestfriend for years. He's 23 and i'm 30. He tried to become more than friends with me for three years (i know he really did because he has proven it again and again), but i kept turning him down. But, finally, i fell in love with him, too, and we got together as a couple. This lasted for three months. Last month, he broke up with me because he said he and an exgirlfriend (who lives six hours away) got back together. I was devastated, but since our bond of friendship is still strong, we have remained good friends. But, because i still love him, and he says he still loves me, we sometimes still behave like a couple --- go out on dates, kiss, cuddle, do other "couple" stuff. He actually spends more time with me than with the 'girlfriend'. I tried to end it all with him, but he wouldn't let me, he called me and he was crying, telling me how much he loved me during those three years but i wouldn't give him the time of day, and he can't possibly imagine his life without me. I couldn't bring myself to let him go completely, so the status quo is still the same, she is still the 'girlfriend' while i am the i-don't-know-what.
When we have serious talks, he keeps telling me that he loves me and wants to marry me someday, but right now, he wants me to wait, he's confused because he also has feelings for the other girl and he doesn't want to hurt her.
The situation is getting more and more difficult, but no matter how hard i try, i can't make myself let go of him. I really, really love him. Please help. Advice
You need to take a hard line with him. Tell him that you love him too but that it is too stressful to be part of a love triangle and if he doesn't break off with her then you too should take a break. Not necessarily a permanent break, just until he gets her out of his system. Sometimes people just need a push.

Good luck,


-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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