Parents and Weekend Visits

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
ok, me and my boyfriend been together for a month. I'm 15 and my parents appoved of me being with him but now they wont let me go out with him on weekends. They say that i see him at school i don't need to see him more than that. My dad doesn't even let him come to my house and he doesn't want to meet him. It upsets me because i'm with him but i can't really see him. How came i make my parents understand that i want to see my b/f outside school. Please help. Thanks Advice
It's very, very strange that your father doesn't want to meet a boy that is special to you. Parents should be VERY interested in the friends and cared-for-ones of their kids, no matter what else is going on!! It sort of sounds like your father is thinking, "If I don't acknowledge him as a part of my daughter's life, he really won't be one." Sort of like the ostrich sticking his head in the sand and thinking if he doesn't see something dangerous it doesn't really exist. That's of course a very silly view of the world, but people are silly sometimes.

In any case, this attitude of theirs is sort of a symptom of something bothering them. It can't be that boy in particular since they won't even meet him. It might be more the whole idea that their "little baby girl" is growing up, which could be scary to them. Remember, it wasn't that long ago that your parents were teenagers. They still sort of think of themselves as young fun teenage types. So to now have their *child* doing those things is very unsettling. And also they might have been semi-wild when they were teenagers, so the thought of their child being *wild* in those years is probably really bothering them. So they're trying to keep you safe and also trying to retain your "innocence" as long as possible.

In any case, somewhere between 15 and 16 parents usually make that mental adjustment and realize that yes, their "child" is now a "person that dates" and they have to start trusting them to be out with guys. For a *lot* of parents that magic number is 16. It might be that that number is in your own parents' heads too. Pressuring them directly probably will make them clam up even more so I'd avoid doing that. Instead, think about what might be really bothering them about the situation. They might worry that your grades will slip if you pay attention to him and not to school. They might worry that you'll get wildly sexual and get pregnant or something.

So work on just proving to them that you're mature. Show you care about schoolwork, that you're responsible, that you're mature. Don't yell at them for treating you like a kid - show them daily that you are an adult. The more they see mature behavior from you, the more they'll think of you as an adult and not as a kid ... and the more likely when something comes along like a prom or movie or something that they'll consider your options from that point of view.

Good luck!

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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