Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
(I'm sorry I just sent this email twice without my email address by mistake. Please post this email only once on the website!!!)
I’ve been in love with this nice and sweet guy for more than 3 years.
We met and spend 2 years in America, went back to our own countries, then I stayed with him for 4 month in his country last winter. After then, since I was eager to have a job, I went back to my country to work there. But we found that being apart was not good for both of us and wanted to be together, which means a marriage, I quit the job this summer and prepared to move to his country. Then, I received his email that he lost his confidence of getting married with me after his father’s negative reaction at the end of July. He emailed me that he was attracted to another woman who is married but younger than him at the beginning of August. For reference, he's 6 years younger than me. What a horrible time I’ve been going through since then.
He said we needed to talk, but he not only put up with visiting me but also refused my visit to him. But, finally he visited me September 10th. I told him that I loved him so much and wanted him back to me. He seemed little bit moved by my words and attitude and asked me to stay with him in his country for a while. So, I went there. He was really nice and sweet to me, but I couldn’t help checking his emails between them in his computer, which I feel ashamed to check but I couldn’t help it. He told her he loved her and reported his visit me to her in his email. She, who is planning to get divorced this December, advised him to be careful to a woman who is stuck to him-me! I also found every morning and night, they’re exchanging messages through cellular phones. They seem so close and share their deep down feelings and thinking. I wanted to ask him about the emails and messages but I couldn’t because I was afraid that he’d be angry about my spying him.
I asked him to break up, but he asked me not to. I asked him why, and he said nobody loves him like I do. He just keeps saying it’s not good time to make a decision because of busy works… I asked him if he want to solve our problem first don’t contact with her. He seem unpleasant saying that they’re just friend now after seeing me in my country because he realized he needed me and that he is just helping her because she is going through hard time and lonely. Does he really just help her or wait for her divorce in December? Everyday, every minute it’s so painful for me since July. The thoughts of disconnecting from him, remaining his good friend, or revenging to both of them are always spinning around in my head. I’ve been spending so much time and energy thinking of him. I want to get out of this horrible situation and status. What is he thinking and what should I do? Am I getting crazy now? I really need HELP!
Sorry for the long letter, Looking for a sincere and quick reply,
Unfortunately my sincere advice is to cut off the relationship with this guy as soon as possible. He is a cheat on you and on her. Is this the kind of guy you want to be with? He seems to be committed to her based on what you learned in emails. Perhaps he was too soft-hearted to break up with you in person.
Please see tips on breakings up at: http://www.romanceclass.com/miscr/LoveCat/54875
Sorry you are in this situation!
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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User Submitted Response from a 13-15 year old Female