She doesn't seem to care
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
Hi, I have a problem that is constantly on my mind. I am 19 as is this girl i like. We have worked together for over a year at our college and i like her very much, we are friends.
We have not hung out outside of work but we were supposed to several times. Several months ago a mutual friend had a "couples" birthday party. her and her boyfriend, her friend and her boyfriend and although it was never specifically stated, me and this girl were the other two people going (gee). I actually could not go (i was dying inside). She was disappointed when i could not go and asked me several times to reconsider, once she said "please, it wouldn't have to be a date". I do not know if she said this because maybe she liked me or because she did not want to go alone. Anyway i had not seen her most of this past summer, but i finally worked w/her the last month. She would call occasionally (something she never did) and we would exchange text messages. We were supposed to hang out several times but something always came up for her. Example: she asked me to hang out when we got out of work (around 8pm). I said yes and when i tried to take her up on it she was always busy or said she couldn't. A mutual friend was in the hospital and she called and asked me twice if i wanted to go together to visit. I said yes and 2 days in a row she called and cancelled on me as i was on my way to pick her up. I was not sure if she wanted to just go together or if she was shyly asking me out. Once or twice when she asked to hang out she did it coyly (at least in my opinion) and I canít tell how she means it. I have hinted that I was upset about the fact we never hang out and how she always cancels, she got upset and said it was not like that and she is very busy.
She has been flirty with me but she is a friendly flirty girl. When i saw her this past summer she was very flirty when we were alone. My problem is I cant be sure if she likes me back in that way. One of my friends told me they were talking recently and she said she thought i liked her. But she gave the impression she was not interested in me. That same friend told me that her actions seem to contridict her words however. Today we were walking through campus, returning from visiting a friend and I brought her to her building. She asked if i was working w/her thurs and i said no. I asked if she wanted me to visit her though (something i used to do) and she said no, it was ok. She said i'll probably see you before next tues (when we work 2gether) or maybe i'll call you, then jokingly "have fun at your class". Her attitude seemed indiffernt and uninterested, she also was looking at the ground and at the building. Also, no hug but i gave her a playful punch good bye which she ignored. I am told by friends/family that they do not understand her behavior but think she likes me, and agree she sends mixed signals. They say based on what i have told them she is the type of person who is protective of her feelings and does not want to be embarassed if the other person does not feel the same way, thus she acts indifferent or like it is no big deal. Also that we are both gun shy and are "stuck in neutral" with neither of us knowing how the other person feels. I dont know, but i have seen her around other guys i know she might of liked and she seems like a normal girl who likes somebody. She does not date casually and takes it seriously, hasnt had a boyfriend in a while. I am also told she might be tired of waiting for me to make a move or at least come out and express my (very strong) feelings, (that she thinks i have) and has grown annoyed with me in that sense. Lastly i sent her a long txt mssg 2day because i was upset about earlier. It said if she had spare time i would like to meet 4 lunch sometime, only if she wanted 2. also, i feel as though we really dont see each other and i like spending time with her, and she means alot 2 me and i really care about her. i told her she was the most kindhearted girl i know (emotional txt i think). She responded "i'm sure sometime we could figure something out". Not horrible, but not exactly warm either. Whats going on? Please help!!!!!!!!!! Thanx
You have laid the question on the table and she has just let it lie. Give it another chance... that is, send her another message asking her if she cares enough for you to continue your strong feelings for her. If she avoids the question or says no, you have your answer.
She is probably a very nice girl who just can't come right out and say no.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com