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He Was Friendly, Then Withdrew



Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
Last year I attended a university in Virginia (my freshman year). A guy that I had a crush on through my junior and senior years of high school also ended up attending the same university. We participated in some of the same activities, and since we already kind of knew each other, we got to be friends (not really good friends or anything, but friends). Anyway, I am really shy and never talk about guys with my friends, but they figured out that I liked him because of how I was acting around him. They all told me that they thought he liked me too.

I mean all of a sudden he just started randomly talking to me a lot, and he started having lunch with a group of my friends and I three days a week (who were all girls by the way)(We had just mentioned that we all meet for lunch, and he just started showing up). He would mainly direct his attention at me though. He just started sitting with me in class, and even started going to the church I went to. Well, I am really shy, I wasn't sure what was going on, and after a little while he just got all weird. I didn't hear from him over Christmas break, and then second semester he just acted strange around me sometimes, especially if we were alone. He did ask me for my screen name though, but it was even hard to talk online. In person there would be long awkward silences, and it was just really weird. We would be with a group and he would talk to everyone except for me. I guess I am just wondering if he actually liked me (b/c I really liked him).

Could he just have wanted to be friends since he knew me from high school, or did he figure out that I liked him and got weird? Sometimes he would act normal and sometimes like he could care less about me. He would always stand up for me and stuff though, and always wanted to know exactly who I did stuff with. But then again he is a friendly guy and got to be friends with pretty much all of my girl friends, so I donít know if he simply though of me as a friend or what. I really can't figure it out and it really hurt me, and still does, so any help and input would be greatly appreciated. He is kind of shy but usually pretty outgoing, and he is a real people person so it seems to me that if he had wanted to ask me out he would have. I just need to figure it out, b/c I won't be able to see him for a whole year, and I am worried that I will never get over it. Well, thanks for taking the time to read, and sorry it was so long.




RomanceClass.com Advice
If you and he were talking and doing things together, then it was pretty obvious that he liked you and you liked him. People don't do things with people that they hate. It sounds like he was making serious efforts to spend more time with you, but that he couldn't tell if you appreciated or did not appreciate the time he was spending. So he withdrew to see if you reacted to that - and it sounds like you just sort of sat around waiting for him to come back, instead of actually making an effort to spend more time with him :)

A relationship is about two people who actively work on it. Sure, you're shy. Everyone is shy. But life is about taking chances when something important is on the line. If you just sit back and hope the guy will do all the work for you, it isn't going to work out. You have his screen name. Why not simply start talking to him online to show him you are interested in keeping up the connection?

-- Lisa

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com





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