Finding Out the Problem

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
What should I do when I have a gut feeling that I'm holding my boyfriend back. He is my first love but of course I am not his. Do not get me wrong he loves me. But ok all week he hasn't called me and I don't know what to do. I don't want to call him because I'm afraid that he'll tell me something that I don't want to hear. I honestly think that it's a problem in our relationship. But I'm not for sure. So what should I do? Advice
They key in any relationship is communication. You have to be able to talk together about issues. I definitely understand your fear of hearing bad news. But if you talk about it soon maybe you can fix it. If you just let it fester, then he might make a decision and by the time you talk to him about it he won't want to change his mind any more. It's ALWAYS better to talk early about problems. The longer you wait, the harder it gets.

I have a page on how to do hard talks -

It sounds like you might be younger so some might not apply like making him dinner. But follow the rest of the suggestions. Get to him IN PERSON - not over the phone - because it is much more likely you'll have a positive outcome if you guys talk face to face. If he's feeling iffy and you just chat on the phone he might not realize how much this means to you and find it easier to distance himself from the whole situation.

So get to him in person. Sit down with him and really talk. If he says he's not sure about the relationship, find out concretely what is bothering him and then offer solutions to actively fix them. There's always a way to fix just about any relationship - you just have to sit down face to face and discuss it together.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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