most of mine were 1 night stands
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I am 24,she is 19, we have both been with the same amount of people, though most of mine were 1 night stands and hers were supposedly relationships. We have begun fighting alot recently, partially because of my jealousy of all her guy friends, most of them ex partners, and partially because of the fact we have been spending alot of time together due to the fact that I have an injury that is keeping me from work. I love this girl like no other, She is the first one I have ever thought about marriage with, kids, living with, so I don't want this to end. Another problem we have is that she just moved back in with her mother, and her mother has quite a bit of control over her, despite my best efforts to cut the cord so to say. We have had several heart to heart talks, and we both want this to work but we still end up fighting alot. Also our sex life has dwindled to nothing, she says she can't get turned on because there is something emotionally missing, I think it is just that I am not that great, or that experienced of a lover. Like I said most of my partners were one nighters. I am making a far reach here by asking someone elses advice, please give me some good advice.
I think the reason why she is not in the mood as often is because of the fighting. Some people have a hard time making love when they feel there are unreolved issues. To begin with, you need to look at your jealousy. She's with you now and her past is her past. There's nothing you can do to change it. If you need some help with jealousy, go to this link: http://www.romanceclass.com/miscr/LoveCat/23682
Next on the block are the arguments. Before you get into another one, ask yourself what all the fighting is about... really get to the meat of the issue and then calmy tell her you were thinking about these things and ask how you guys can best deal with them. You can't cover everything in one night, it will take time, but the fact that she sees you working on making things better will go a long way.
Finally, in terms of quality of performance, it's ok to ask her what feels good and you should also let her know what feels good. It's that openness that will make things better for the both of you and will help you grow closer.
I hope this helps.
-- from Marc
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com