they all told me that a long didtance realtion ship would not work

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
Hey there, and thanks for listening to my question to begin with- but anyway, back to the topic I NEED HELP!!! Im so confused ! I had this boyfriend, and i know I'm young and all,( I'm fifteen turning sixteen ) but I really feel that I may actually be in love with him or at least I know that i like him ALOT!ok, it all started when I was fourteen, I met him through some frineds of mines who had known him for all their lives. At first me and him were only friends, and then our friendship turned into a relationship. He was my first real boyfriend, and I didn't want to rush things, and I fully believed ( and still do) that I'm too young or just not ready to loose my virginity, we often talked about it and he said that it was okay, and that I didn't have to anything that I wasn't ready to do, a litle while after that ( about two weeks) he left to an Air Force Academy in orlando and we agreed that nothing would change in our relationship- which I realy thought was gonna hanppen, after all , everyone including my parents thought we made the cutest couple ever! Unfortunetly, alot of my girlfriends liked him, and alot of his guy friends liked me... that often got a litle frustrating, but we fuly trusted each other. When he left, I was devastated, and counted the day until he came back, I was very insecure and talked to my friends and his friends alot... but they all told me that a long didtance realtion ship would not work, and that we would both get "hurt".Although I knew that all the people I had been asking for advise like him and me, I still believed and what they ahd to say and went into a deep depression. When he finaly came home, ( after two months) he dumped me, and never realy bothered to give me a reason. He treated me really poorly when we did se each other and we often got into fights whenever we talked. After our barke up I didnt even want to hear about him and I became realy self concious,I didn't bother to meet new people like a healthy teenager and I didn't move on, and what nothered me the most is that he seemed to be hitting it off just fine without me! He even went out with one of my best frineds, at first he didn't even want to kiss her in front of me because he was afraid of hurting me, but then I guess we all got used to it. Even though they both asked me if I was okay with the whole thing several times and I said yes, deep inside I knew that I still had strong feelings for him. They finaly broke up and I finaly got over him! Unfortunetly, we didn't talk and never kept a friendship after that, ofcourse when we saw each other at frinds' houses and parties, we would talk to each other and ask each other how life was going, but things never realy went back to normal. Untill about two months ago, he came to visit me at my house out of nowhere! This totaly messed with my head, we started hanging out everyday now and even flirting! Now everytime we see each other we kiss and act as if we were still together, he tells me he missed me and that he never stopped liking me, and that he is really sorry and is a jerk for ever hurting me the way he did ! He is really sweet, but is not asking me out cause he sais " We are both happy and having fun already, why ruin it ?" but deep inside I really want him back as my oficial boyfriend. I have no clue if he is jujst using me, or if he realy likes me ! Please help , and I'm sorry for taking too much of your time and writting so much, it's just that I'm really confused. Sorry for the inconvenience and for all the time I'm taking once again , and thanks for everything ! Advice
Well, it sounds positive that he's back in your life and is dating you again. I can understand your frustration of not having an official statement about it. What you can do is tell him that you do really enjoy what you have now, but you don't want to be hurt again and the only way you'll feel better is if you are officially his girlfriend. Then you'll know he's committed to you and that he won't leave you again. You can put your foot down and say unless he wants you as an official girlfriend that he'll have to find someone else to play with. Yes, you run the risk of him saying, "well then ok I'll do that!" but that would be better than dealing with the insecurity of not knowing where you stand with him.

I also commend you on your decision to remain a virgin. Especially how he left you the first time, this is not someone that you want to have as your first until you're really sure that he'll be with you for the long term relationship.

I wish you the best!

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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