She Couldn't Take it when the Passion Faded
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
Well hello, I hope you can help me with my recent situation. I met this girl at work and started dating her for about two months. She is new to this country (from Colombia) and my first intention was to show her around town and have a good time. Everything went to plan. I took her to Little Italy in New York and we did a bunch of other things. Everything I did she seemed to really love. She would keep talking to me about the future and how she wanted this to last forever. She even told me she would die for me?! I tried to give her all the things I thought she wanted. Personally, I didnt know if I was in love or not. But I was staring to believe that I was.
Well, to make a long story short, she broke up with me. She said to me that Im so sweet to her and Im so great... And at first she was "really happy" when she is with me, but no more... now she is "just happy" to be around me. And she didnt want it to go on any more before it got worse.
I feel like my problem is that im too nice. Is there such thing? I just always want to try to help people and make people happy, but it seems like they get tired of it after a while. I know the entire relationship went so quickly, but it was her who spoke so highly of the future. Am i missing something? I dont know... I just dont want to believe that everything that happend with me and her was for nothing, yanno? Any hits tips or advice about this girl, or just in general?
P.S. Sorry for the novel ;)
It actually sounds like she's just immature as far as relationships go. EVERY relationship starts with high passion and happiness and then relaxes into a more natural state of even love. That's the way life is! So it sounds like she's a new-love-rush junkie. She loved that great feeling of new love when you were together. But now that it's fading into NORMAL love she's going "Hey wait I can only live with passion." So she'll jump ship and then go for another guy, and go through the exact same thing again.
I really don't think there's a thing of being too nice. Believe me, the vast majority of women out there would be THRILLED to have a guy that was nice to them, instead of a guy that either ignored them or was actively cruel to them! Lots of guys think it's cool to be nasty to your girlfriend. Believe me, the girls do NOT think so. In any case, you would be a dream for many girls out there who are getting little to no caring in their lives.
If there was anything I could even remotely guess at for things to think about changing, think about if you put the women you date onto a pedestal. Maybe in your attempt to be nice to them you treat them a bit too much like 'pretty dolls to be protected' instead of real women. While it's flattering to be sheltered for a while, after a while you just want a guy to be your FRIEND and be with you, instead of being some sort of fluttering guardian angel :) So it's not a matter of not being nice - it's a matter of talking to the real person about things they enjoy, and not treating them like a royal princess that can't get mud on her shoes. But I don't know that you're even like that.
You'd have to take her comments with a grain of salt, since this girl seems a bit unrealistic, but you can always try asking her. Don't say "What is wrong with me," that won't get much of a response. But offer to take her out to dinner as a friend, and then let her know that you're looking to make a new year's resolution to improve your life. Suggest yourself a way you want to improve yourself - say, go to more musicals or whatever it is you want to say. Lose 10 pounds. Then ask her, seriously, what she would suggest as a way you can become a better person. Get her to see that she is *helping* you by sharing this and that you are serious about improving yourself. She might actually share one or two things with you, if you are encouraging and non-confrontational, that you can work on. If you are in touch with other ex-girlfriends, try it with them too. You might at least get a sense of what they found trouble with in the relationship, which is always good insight to have.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com