i just found out that he lied to me
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My husband and I have been together for 4 years. i just found out that he lied to me. Last summer he went with some friends to a concert. He called me to tell me that he was going to be late because they were going to hang out afterwards to check some of the other bands out. But, instead they drove back home the long way. "Just because" so he says. Really they went that way so that they could go to a strip club. I am really against my husband looking at other naked women. It makes me feel like he wishes I were them. Or look like them. When he did get home I asked what they did. He said they checked out other bands then drove the long way home just to go a different way.
So, first he went someplace that he knows would really hurt me if he went there. Then he lied about what they did. I have been lied to before and he knew it really hurt mr. He promissed me he would never lie or hurt me the way my ex did. I feel it starts with lies and gets worse from there.
I don't know if I should stay with him. He broke my trust and he knew it would hurt me. Any advice?
I can understand your feelings. You're afraid that this one act will become a habit and a pattern of behavior that will lead to the end of your marriage. However, I don't believe that this is the case and I believe that your husband is actually a really good guy with just this one slip. Trust him, it's been four years and there's just this one occasion.
Guys have a thing for strip clubs, or even Hooters which is just about the same thing. They're not looking for a relationship, they're looking to get aroused and then come home to their wives and girlfriends. They're not comparing you to the girls. They know that it's all fake. And your husband isn't making a weekly trip out there, it was just once out of curiosity and a wicked diversion. So as much as it's annoying to you, it is really harmless especially if it's just this one boys-trip out.
I can see that your husband wanted to go out with the boys on a splurge. And I can see how he knew it would hurt you and so covered it up with a lie to protect you. And I can see how this all would hurt you more. But I don't see that your husband did it out of maliciousness or desire to continue this pattern longer than this one instance.
Do what you can to forgive and forget this one stupid act. Trust to the rest of the relationship's strengths to pull you through this and believe in him and his promise that this won't happen again.
Good luck and let us know how it goes.
-- from Marc
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com