The Six Year Itch
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I HAVE A SERIOUS PRBLEM, I HAVE A CHILD WITH SOMEONE I HAVE BEEN DATING FOR THE PAST 6 YEARS AND I THINK THAT I HAVE LOST FEELINGS FOR THIS PERSON. BEFORE I USED TO BE THE ONE HEAD OVER HEELS IN LOVE, AND PRACTICALLY KISSING HIS BUTT, BUT NOW THE TABLES HAVE TURNED. EVERYTIME I HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO BREAK UP WITH HIM, I CHICKEN OUT AND FALL RIGHT BACK INTO HIS TRAP. I AM STARTING TO BE INTERESTED IN OTHER PEOPLE AS WELL. OUR SEX LIFE HAS DWINDLED DOWN TO ALMOST NOTHING, FOR I DO NOT FEEL SEXUALLY Attracted to him anymore. what should i do?
The Seven Year Itch is a real thing, and it happens to many if not most long term couples. After six or seven years, you've gone through a lot of good and bad times together, and there's little 'new' or 'exciting' about the person you're with. Your body has become used to your partner's smells and hormones and such - so where when you first met just your partner's touch would set your blood racing, now your body doesn't react any more. Other people out there seem new and interesting.
You have to remember that there are always tradeoffs in life. Yes, it would be great to sit and eat chocolate all day long, but your body would bloat into a balloon. It'd be great to lounge on the beach all day, but without earning money, you'd starve to death. The same holds true for a long term relationship. Yes, it'd be great to have a brand new, exciting lover every week, to have that new-love-rush going on constantly and to have lovers paying active attention to you becuase they were trying to woo you. But on the other hand, none of that is *love*. All of that is *lust* and these people don't know you.
The tradeoff you get by staying in a relationship for a long time is that you're with someone who really knows you, who has proven he/she will be there to take care of you, who has years of shared memories, who knows your family and friends, who understands what you need when you're happy or sad. The sex might not be fresh and new, but this person knows what pleases you and doesn't hurt you with ineptness. The kisses are tender and truly sincere, instead of lust-driven and uncaring.
It's normal for you not to be head over heels in love after 6 years. It's normal for you to be more "even keeled" in how you feel. But don't mistake that for being *wrong*. That is normal in a relationship. The sex life tends to slow down. The passion tends to even out. But the mature love that follows is really worth it.
That's not to say that you can't keep things interesting - but it doesn't just happen on its own! I have tons of tips on my site to help out. You have to be an active partner in your relationship, and work to keep it going. If you don't learn to do that, then you'll have the exact same issue in your next relationship.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com