how can i be in a relationship without being so depressed?

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
Okay, Ive been with my x boyfriend now for about 6 yrs. We havent really been boy friend and girl friend for the past year and a 1/2. But we still tell each other that we love each other and we still spend time together and act as if we are still together. The thing is, things get good and we are awsome but then he starts to feel like doesnt want a girl friend or any kind of commiment, cause he only 22. But the thing is hes always making it so hard for me. i konw i want to be with him but i dont want to feel like sometimes im not sure that he really does love me. cause in the end hes always coming back to me, and then when he goes to change his mind again im always feeling like nothing and my sprits are low and im misarable. im nt sure what to do w/this relationship and if it would be right to end it how can i do it without being so depressed? Advice
You can't ever make someone love you. Love is about voluntarily feeling strong emotion for someone else. It's like making someone love liver. That person might like liver, or hate it, or love it, but it is something they feel.

If a guy is totally wrapped up in skiing, and skiing is very important to him, and if you hate skiing with a passion and think it's a stupid sport, there is a basic disconnect between you two. No matter what trickery you try to do, the basic incompatability is there.

So the real question that I think you're asking is, is there some way you can change your fundamental makeup so that this person decides you're now perfect for him/her. The problem with that is that real love is based on two people truly being in love with the *real* person that they see. Someone who really loves you *will* love you for what you are, exactly are you are NOW. If you have to trick the person, or change yourself, or do certain things, it's just not love.

Don't settle for someone you have to fool into being fond of you. Find someone who truly loves you for what you are, the way you are. That kind of love is the kind that lasts forever.

-- from Marc
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