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A Love Quote
Love doesn't sit there like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; remade all of the time, made new. --Ursula K. LeGuin



We Fought Constantly - I Want Her Back



Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
Hello,
Two weeks ago my girlfriend broke up with me, She said that we were having too many fights. We were out having a quiet drink and she was listening to music on her phone I told her to put on a good song and I said it and I sounded angry when I said it, and then she said she liked the song and then i told her it was crap and she said too me look now your getting angry so youll probabley tell me to go home, so i said , if you feel like that then maybe you should go home so I went too the tiolet and when i was on my way back too her I seen her leaving I caught up with her and I asked her to stay and then I apoligised and she still wanted too go. I then told her that our relationship was over and she said ,fine. I only said it to frighten her to make her stay so then I asked her for the ring back that i bought her and she held out her and and i grabbed the ring angrily but it got caught ion the skin of her finger and hurt her, i got very frightned and said sorry and tried to hug her but she told me to get away from her. She then told me too ring her when i calm down. I calmed down and then rang her, I said I was sorry and then she said it doesnt matter its over, I told her again I was soory and I told her how much she means too me and then she told me she would sleep on it. I rang her the next day and she still said it was over so
I asked her could I see her and at first she was saying no but then she said yes, I went and got her flowers and a teddy bear too say sorry then I went too her house I gave them too her and she said too me, you shouldnt have done this because we are not together anymore. I started crying because I loved her so much and i wanted to stay with her. She then took a smoke out of her pocket and when we first got together she gave up smoking too show how much she loved me and I really liked the fact that she had done that. So she took it out of her pocket and told mee that she had been smoking in anyway when I wasnt around her, and then that hurt even more. Two days later I rang her and asked her if there was any cahance of getting back together and she said no that she doesnt want to be in a relationship and that she wnts too be friends. So after another two days I rang her and asked could see her and she said ok. I went up too her house and when I seen her i got very happy. I told her how much I loved her and how sorry i was and i told her if she gave me another chance i would prove too her how much i loved her. She then asked me too go into the shop and buy her smokes and it really hurt me when she said taht then she told me that she was back talking to her ex boyfriend and I think she only said that to hurt me, when we were first going out with each other she kissed her ex but she was with me and I found out and decided too give her a second chance because she seemed very sorry, and it really hurt me when I found out I got sick because it hurt so bad and she knows how much I hate her ex for what he done after she kissed him he called her a big fat Slut, but yet she just started talking to him. Was it too Hurt me?. So she then told me if I went in to buy her smokes she would think about getting back together with me. I went in and when I came out she immediatley lit her smoke even though she knows how much she was hurting me then i asked her to can we work things out and she said no straight away so i walked away from her and she called me back but i just went home. Later on that day I was ion a walk with my friends and I seen her with her friends I went over to her and I said hello and she seemed very angry So she told me she was in a hurry and she couldnt leave her friends alone so i got angry and told her to F**k off. She walked away and then I chased her too say sorry, I called her and she started runing and she made me out to be pathetic in front odf her friends, did she do this on purpose. when I caught up with her she pulled out a piece of paper with a phone number on it I asked her whos number it was and she told me it was her ex boyfriends and she told me she was not getting back together with him she said they were friends. Again this hurt me and why did she have too take the piece of paper out of her pocket, Was it too hurt me even more.
A few days passed again and I rang her eplaing how sorry I was for everything and i got the feeling that she didnt care and on purpse she pretended she was not listening too me. Why.? Then she started telling me how she was going out on friday night to get drunk and I did not even ask her any questions regarding her social life but yet she still tells me all this knowing that it is really getting me upset.
I asked her to give me an honest answer to why she finished our relationship and she said because of all the fights (we would fight about four times a week and they were never serious we always made up and hugged and kissed each other and we would tell each other how much we were in love)
She told only on week before we broke up that the fights were making us stonger. And now she is telling me that the fights were too much.
She is being very cruel too me and keeps trying too hurt me. Everyone is telling me that she will try to get back with me. She was the one who asked me to be with her because shae said she was in love with me and she had always and a crush on me, We were very good friends before we got together. She told me I was her hero because another one of her ex boyfriens was abusive too her and I always gave her advice I was basically her shoulder to cry on and thats why she fell in love with me.
We were a year together and I still want her back. What Should I do? I really love her despite what she is doing.
And why is she trying to hurt me? What is in store in the future everyone is telling me she will ring me All i need to do is give her space, what do you think? When we were happy we were the best I would write her poems and buy her nice things and tell her how beautiful I thought she looked and tell her how much I loved her and she would so the same in return. She promised me she would stay with me forver an I believed even though sometimes I felt like I didnt want to be with her I still stuk around because she really mede me happy. What should I do. I also want to try and hurt her back I told her I was going on a trip with friends and she got jealous and started calling my friends names and she told me that my friends were not good friends and told me that they didnt like me, She was saying all this because she was jealous. She does not soun like the girl I knew and loved she is real bitchy and cruel. and I just want advice on what i should do I have tried talking to her but she wont listen so Does she need space too think or is it definetly over. Thanks very much For any advice because this is really affecting my life and i Feel terrible.
Thanks




RomanceClass.com Advice
It sounds like lots of things were wrong with this relationship. You guys were fighting all the time and while she made excuses like "it makes us stronger" that is NOT true. She was just trying to ignore the issue. Fighting is a sign of serious trouble, that you two don't respect each other at all and resort to yelling and belittling each other to deal with issues. That can only get worse over time, it cannot get better. On top of that, she was actively sneaking around and deceiving you about smoking. If she was willing to lie to you about smoking, it pretty much indicates that she was willing to lie to you about anything to cover her own butt. That is of course another really bad sign.

A relationship has to be two ways, it has to be founded on honesty and trust and communication. Your relationship with this girl was really none of those things. It was about having fun sometimes - and treating each other very poorly at other times.

If you want this to work you have to start from the beginning and build up a trusting, honest, caring *relationship* as friends. If you can't have that, you cannot get something more serious to survive. Begin with the basics and get that to work well.

-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com





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