How do we get beyond just friendship?

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I have been dating this guy for approx. 3 weeks. Nothing steady but yet neither has gone out with anyone else. I would like to try and see if we are compatible soley. We have had sex and both of us agree that it is the best we have ever had. So why would he want to pursue other women instead of seeing how we relate? I saw him with another woman and got so jealous. I didn't cause a scene but i called and left him a message that wasn't so nice. He wants to talk because he thinks we have had a communication problem and that we haven't covered what each of us wants out of the relationship... In other words i jumped the gun and now i don't know what to say other than i am sorry, but then it is obvious that i am jealous. so what do i tell him. what do i do if he just wants to be friends, which is what 98% of my relationships end up being. i am treated like a sister or one of the guys. i would like to have a descent relationship. Advice
There are many different kinds of relationships, but they really boil down to about three: sexual, emotional, and friendship. When they're all together in one package, it's great and a solid relationship. The problem is when one or two are present and one person wants the other pieces of the pie and the other person is just happy the way things are.

It sounds to me like you have this incredible sexual relationship but that it doesn't blend over into more than just that. Talking openly about what is going on is the best course of action. Take time before the discussion to figure out what you really do want, and what you can settle for. What really matters to you in this relationship with him. Yes it would be nice if it were the whole package, but I have my doubts and you'd better be able to cope if he wants less than you do. It can still work and continue on as it has, so long as both of you know what to expect.

Good luck!

-- from Marc
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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