What's going on??
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
ok this is a really messed up situation but i have no real friends and dont know who to explain this to so here it goes! i met this wonderful girl(billi) at my job a year and a half ago,well we quickly became very close friends and a wonderful relationship was started.i started to have really strong feelings for her but didnt say anything to her for quite awhile.a few months went by and she knew how i felf about her so one day i got the courage to invite her to my house for a party i was having,but she told me she wasnt doing anything and would just rather stay home.well i accepted that and went on with the party with my friends at my home.i called a longtime friend(kelly) to see if he had somethings i had left at his house last week and i could hear a female voice whispering in the background,it was billi,she had lied to me saying she wasnt doing anything and she was over at my so called friends place!!i couldnt believe it so i paid a friend 20$ to drive to kelly's place and sure enough when i arrived billi's car was in his driveway!i went to the house knocked on the door and he answered, opened the door and let me in and there she was on the sofa all dolled up and pretty,the room smelled like sex so i knew what was up i glanced at her grabbed my stuff and got the hell out of there.i was so furious at her,i went back to the party at my place.the next day i had to work and she works with me so as soon as i seen her i gave her the dirtiest look ever and she came up to me and asked me what was wrong and i told her flat out but she just pretty much shook it off as if nothing happened.i accepted that she wanted kelly and moved on pursueing another girl i had liked for awhile.then oneday i decided to stop by kelly's place just for the hell of it and i knock on the door and hes got this 50 year old woman(hes 26) and hes supposed to be billi's boyfriend!So being the nice guy i am i tell billi that kellys got an older woman over and she flipped out started crying and drove right over to his house and busted them like i did her and kelly.a couple weeks went by and then i started to talk to billi all the time like it was before,all was forgotten and forgiven.we were hanging out all the time and soon enough 1 thing led to another and we ended up having sex which led to us becomeing sex buddies or (friends with benifits) as she calls it.our relationship has been fairly good up untill about a month ago when she had to move 5 hours away from me because of a job she does ever summer.we do everything togheter wake up togheter,shower, eat,go out, all our time is spent together.i would NEVER EVER CHEAT ON HER EVER!she knows this but i worry about her cheating on me all the time see im 21 and she is 27,shes very attractive and mature and most of her frinds are male,or the people she meets are male.my worst fear is that shes already cheating we got in a huge argument the other day about a man she works with albert,hes about 50 years old dirty old preverted man.billi tells me that she got soaked at work and albert made a comment saying"since your so wet i should come over and play with your wet pussy"WELL IM SURE ANY MALE ON THIS PLANET WOULD HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT THAT IF A GUY SAID THAT TO HIS GIRL!!i let her know i was upset about his comment but not upset at her but at him.she got all mad and hung up on me we havent talked alot since should i be overreacting so much i mean i have alot of good reasons to suspect something is going on,i trusted her once and she broke that trust and now ive given her a second chance but shes five hours away,loves sex ALOT!,only people she hans out with are guys and i can tell the only reson they hang out with her is the hope of getting sex from her,she says dont worry but theres always that chance of another guy with something better to offer her like a house
money,paying off bills,i am worried sick like i havent slept in about 8 days nor will i be able to till i get some advice from you your my only hope of secureing my mind am i just overreacting ,i love her to death and would be shatterd if this year and a half ive spent with her was all just a big waste of time,PLEASE HELP DO U THINK SHES SEEING OTHER PEOPLE OR AM I JSU A NICE GUY WHO WORRS ABOUT HIS GIRL?????? PLEASE HELP ME>>
It sounds to me like there are a lot of trust issues at play here. You say she's mature, but then you question her motives and actions. The basis of any relationship is to believe that the other person is there for you and is going to remain faithful to you. You have to give her the benefit of the doubt... there's no way other than driving down and catching her in the act for you to know that she's doing something you don't like. So have faith in her and believe that she's going to do the right thing.
With such a long distance relationship, it's important to keep the lines of communication wide open. Make sure that you talk often and you might even send her flowers or a bouquet of balloons to keep her thinking of you.
-- from Marc
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com