Should I Stay or Should I Go?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
i just broke up with my first love. she said that she had lost feelings for me and was probably never in love with me in the first place. she didn't want to go on in a relationship where the love wasn't returned in a mutual fashion. here's the kicker...we live together, but with another roommate as well. she started living there as the new roommate in November, then on New Year's eve at our party, she confessed that she liked me and wanted to start something. we did, and for 3 months, it was wonderful (but kind of fast since we lived together and saw each other nearly every day). she broke up with me in an email that i received at work. i was obviously devastated since she's the first girl i ever loved. now i have to deal with her being around at home, smelling her perfume, seeing her room as well as seeing her. we've gone about 1 month now and it's been ok. i've been James Dean around her, you know, just saying 'what's up' and just making small talk. none of that 'i love you' or 'i just can't stop thinking about you' talk around her. i obviously won't be able to get over her until she moves out which she plans on doing in a couple of months. now, she's flirting with me a lot right now. more that she would ever flirt with any other guy. she walks out of the shower naked, but holding a towel in front of her only when she know that it's only me and her in the house. she sits next to me on the couch a lot and is always 'touchy feely' with me. she always trys to start games where a lot of touching is involved. is this what Cheap Trick sang about? does she really want me to want her and nothing more? or is she trying to tell me the break up was a mistake, and that she wants me back? Please advise me in this matter. because i do not understand women whatsoever. Thanks.
You're right. Women are weird creatures. I know, I am one.
I feel for you... I understand the frustration of being around someone you love when it's not returned. A very unhappy situation. And she's making matters worse by playing with you. No, I don't think she's trying to say breaking up was a bad thing, I think she's just having her cake and eating it too... she gets all the fun of a relationship without any of the responsibilities of one.
If this really bugs you, then you need to sit down with her and explain that she's sending mixed messages and she needs to stop for both of your sakes. I'd also suggest finding someone new for you to focus on, that way you won't always be thinking of your roommate. The first time you bring a date home will show her that you've moved on.
If you don't want to move on, then you need to sit with her and explain how your feelings are still strong and you think that another shot at it would make all the difference. Find out why she broke it off before, and if it's something you both can work on to clear out and start new.
Good luck with this, and keep us up to date on it!
-- from Marc
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com