He Broke Up with Me for My Sake
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My boyfriend broke up with me about a month ago, after nine months together. We had a great relationship. Laughed, talked, went out with friends, went out alone, took trips together. We never fought and we talked about things in OUR future. We're both attracted to each other and when he broke the news that he "couldn't do it anymore" I could tell he didn't want to break up, but was doing it anyway. I got the "It's not you, it's me. I think we want two different things out of this relationship and I don't know if I will ever want the things you want." "I'm happy being with you, and I don't NOT want to be with you, but I think you deserve better."
The thing is, I just got divorced last year and could care less if I ever get married again. I thought that was understood when our relationship started. Now, he and I are in "weird" mode. From what his friends tell me, he's not the type to keep in contact with his ex's, but we talk on the phone every once and a while, we hang out every now and then, and the other night, we ended up being together. Now I'm even more confussed then when we first broke up. Is there some magical thing I'm suppose to do or not do in order for us to get back together? I'm afraid if I call he'll think I'm smothering him, but I'm also afraid if I don't call he'll think I'm over it. I'm not a kid anymore and I don't want to play games. Is there any advice you can give me to either fix this or help me to move on? He's a great guy and we're great together, I don't want to lose him.
It sounds like he is pretty insecure if he broke up "to help you out". If you wanted to break up, you certainly could have done that yourself! So have a serious talk with him. Tell him you DO want to be with him and explain clearly what it is you want from the relationship. And then ask him to be clear about what HE wants in a relationship. Maybe he's just confused about what you want. The only way you can ever clear this up is to talk about it as honestly as possible, even if it's painful. It would be a real shame if a great relationship was destroyed because of misconceptions. It is FAR better to just lay it on the line and make sure he really does know that you're happy and what you want out of life.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com