He's Using Me as a Safety Blanket
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
About a month and three weeks ago me and my boyfriend got into an arguement about something kind of stupid and he broke up with me because he said that we needed some time apart from each other but not to see other people. That we would just be friends. I told him that us being friends would be very hard for me to do and he said that we would get back together.
Every now and then I would ask him does he think that it's too early for us to get back together and he would say yeah and that he doesn't want to rush things. Well I asked him just recently about is it to early for us to get back together and he said no but not this week because he is focused on some news that I had just given him (that I might be pregnant) and he was focused on his test that he was taking that week for graduation and for us to wait until next week.
Well next week came and I got the same answer that I always get from him that the friendship thing between us is working out so good and that he feels that we are getting closer plus, he said that he wants to get back with me but he doesn't want to hurt me anymore and he's trying to work that out. But how can he try to work that out if he is not in a relationship with me in order to be able to work these things out.
We still have sex every now and then and for some reason I feel that it's wrong, is it wrong? He says that he loves me and that I'm still his girl and he's still my man. Do you think that this relationship will work out? What can I do to help us get back together? Sometimes I think that he doesn't even want us to get back together because he keeps giveing me that same excuse about the friendship thing is working out so good. What should I do? HELP!
OK, you need to think about this. You are talking to him, spending time and sleeping with him. As far as he's concerned, this is the perfect situation! He has no responsibility. He doesn't have to worry about "taking good care of you". After all, you aren't his girlfriend. You're just a random friend. If he meets another girl, he's free to date her. If he wants, he can sleep around. But of course if he doesn't happen to have someone else around, he can always fall back on you as a sex partner. Why would he want to actually have to "date" you when he has everything he wants right now?
His excuse about the friendship is ridiculous. All great relationships ARE great friendships. It's not like a couple that is happily married is not a pair of friends! In fact they are best friends, sort of like having a slumber party every single day. They wake up happy to be together, have fun doing all sorts of cool things together, eat at restaurants they love, go home and snuggle together. That is what friendship is all about.
So he is saying "I like having you as a friend. But I don't want to date you." So he HAS the friendship. It's not like you lose that when you date. What he doesn't want to lose is the freedom. The ability to sleep with other girls. Heck, you thought you were pregnant and his solution was to stay away from you?? That's not a guy that is ready for responsibility. He wanted to be away from you to think about a serious issue you were confronting. Nice guy.
My suggestion is to STOP having sex with him and to draw back. Tell him that friends are friends, and that you're going to start dating other men because what you need right now is a person you can rely on. Couples solve issues together. If he doesn't want to solve issues with you, and only wants you around when it's convenient, then let him have that - and find someone else to really be with.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com