We both argue constantly
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I have been in love for the past one year. And it is a serious commitment. We both have stuck by each other through very rough times. But we have a big problem that is the ego problem. Both of us are computer engineers from the same college. I have tried my level best to do whatever he likes. but he has no patience. He says that he used to have it at some point of time since he was relatively free. Now he has work so cant stand my "tantrums" all the time. We have been fighting very often almost once in 2 days.
He keeps saying that he loves me at the same time as saying that I am inconsiderate for his workload and do not care for him. How do I make him realise that he is the most important to me. He thinks that I am immature and self centric. That I just love myself and do not care for him at all. I really do not know what to do. I have asked for a temporary break now. For some days.
He basically is very egoistic and so am I. None of us will budge. That is what is ruining the relationship. I feel that I have a psychological problem and am thinking of taking a test or something to realise what is wrong with me? I get angry very easily and then I start crying.Its been happening for over a month now. I really dont know what to do. Please help me out. I will be very thankful.
It's common that alpha-people get drawn to each other. They both share the same good qualities. Of course they both share the same bad qualities too :)
Fights take 2 people. You can't have a fight if one person does not fight. It is REALLY bad if you guys are fighting every 2 days!! That is not healthy at all. A relationship should be between two people who can discuss issues and find solutions. If all you do is fight and yell, nothing is ever going to be solved, and you will have the same issues for the rest of your life.
Stop thinking of something being wrong with YOU. You BOTH have not learned essential skills for relationship coping. It's about time you BOTH did.
So put yourself on a 2 week no-fighting diet. Take this VERY serious as perhaps the only thing that will save your relationship. For 2 weeks, you will NOT FIGHT. If you get annoyed at him, walk out of the room. If you are stressed out, take a long bubble bath. It is your duty in a relationship to not let stress affect your partner. Get 2 weeks of feel-good happy DVDs to watch. Get a whole batch of happy, soft music to listen to. Eat your favorite comfort foods. I don't care what it takes, but avoid fights for 2 weeks solid. If he really tries to draw you in, tell him you do not want to fight, and go out and see a movie. Do everything humanly possible.
At the end of the 2 weeks, sit down and have a serious talk with him. Tell him that you two have just survived 2 weeks without fights because you loved him that much. Now discuss how to make your future weeks as argument-free, one week at a time.
If you can't even make it for 2 weeks, for this test, without yelling back at him, then it's time to talk to a therapist.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com