Distance is FormingVisitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
I've been looking everywhere on the internet for relationship advise, and your site really caught my attention. I need some advise about my girlfriend because there are times to where I think she is cheating on me, but yet I don't have any proof.
I really love this girl and I know deep down inside that she is the one for me. We have been going out going on 9 months now, and we knew each other a year and 5 months before we started going out. We have had the best of times talking on the phone in the past and spending time with each other in person, and we still do, but now I feel that things have changed, though in a weird way.
Here are some things that she has told me just recently... "When I go out with my mom or with my friends, Please don't call me. I will call you when I get home." She always says that to me and when I do call her just to say hi and I love you, she starts acting weird and pissed off saying, "Why did you call me? I told you I would call you when I get home." and then she assumes that I am checking up on her, or getting on her back, which I am not.
Another thing that she has said to me is this... "I think we should cut down on saying (I love you) right when we get off the phone because its starting to be a habbit, and we should just only say it when we really mean it." Though the way I feel about it, is that we should mean it all the time. We used to say "I Love You Bye" like all the time everyday, and now it just feels weird, and I have noticed something else.... When she calls me at school sometimes, we talk for a little bit, and then right before we get off the phone she says, "Alright I gotta go now, so I will talk to you later when I get home... k bye". She never says I Love You Bye when we get off the phone when she is at school.
I know that she would never cheat on me, but as for right now I just dont know, because things have been really weird between me and her recently, and thats why I would really appreciate it if I could get your advise on this and get your opinion as to how you feel about everything I have said over my situation. Another thing too is that we are in a long distance relationship, so it is really hard. Thank you, and I hope to hear from you soon
As relationships mature, they tend to change. You no longer have the high hormones of first dating. You tend to relax more and become best friends. You don't need constant reassurance of love - you know you have it.
But that all being said, most people who are in love don't *mind* the calls and love reminders. It's just that they don't feel promoted to do them as often. The fact that you are actively still enjoying them is fine. The fact that she is trying to STOP you from showing your love is very odd. By far most people write in complaining that their partners have grown distant and stopped doing those things. Instead, she is complaining that you're still in love with her!
Also, most couples stay in touch during the day. They touch base with each other. It's just what they do. For her to get upset that you are staying in touch is pretty odd.
I would find a way to sit down with her in person, and have a serious talk with her. She doesn't want you to talk with her and interrupt her "real life"? She doesn't want you to say you love her, when you do? Ask her just what she wants out of the relationship now. It sounds like she wants you as a friend - not as a boyfriend. It's best if you discuss this so if she feels there is a problem, it can be fixed.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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