I Obsess About My Ex
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
I'm an exchange student in the Netherlands, and I've been seeing someone exclusively for about two months now. I really care about him, and I know he would do anything for me. The problem is that I can't stop thinking about my ex (who also lives in this country). We were together for about 7 months, most of that long-distance. We were each other's 'first' everything and absolutely crazy in love - I have never felt that way about anyone before or since. Even his parents (still) love me; I sometimes feel like I can talk to them better than to my own parents.
Anyway, he broke up with me shortly after I arrived (eight months ago), saying his "feelings had changed". It was the most devastating emotional experience I have ever had. We are still very close friends - we have a sort of ESP with each other; sometimes we don't even have to talk to know what the other is thinking and feeling - but he has not shown anything other than close friendship when interacting with me, and he is interested in someone else as well.
Everything should be fine the way it is, but there has not been a day since we met that I haven't thought about him, and I can't shake the nagging doubt about being with my new partner, since my ex is still in my thoughts. The time is coming where I have to make a decision about whether to stay in America or to come live over here (which will of course also decide my graduate school choices and my career options) so I need to get this sorted out. Can you help?
Most of us have had situations where we've had an ideal dream of a past ex hanging around in our head. Those fantasies are hard to shake. However the reality is that this ex doesn't want to be with you. If he had wanted to be, he would have. He chose not to. You have to accept that choice and find a way to move on. Just wishing that something is true does not make it true.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com