We Broke Up - But He is Still Being Friendly
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
MY BOYFRIEND AND I BROKE UP ON VALENTINES DAY. WE HAD A HUGE FIGHT AND I GAVE HIS GIFT BACK TO HIM AND TOLD HIM TO GIVE IT TO THE NEXT GIRL. WE HAD BEEN TOGETHER FOR ABOUT 2 YEARS. WE ARE BOTH IN OUR EARLY TWENTIES.
AFTER THE FIGHT IT TURNED OUT THAT IT WAS A MUTUAL DECISION. BUT HE WAS VERY ADAMANT ABOUT BEING FRIENDS. SINCE THEN WE HAVE CONTINUED A FRIENDSHIP. WE HANG OUT ALL OF THE TIME. I SLEEP AT HIS APARTMENT, BUT IN SEPERATE BEDS. WE ARE NOT HAVING SEX, BUT WE ARE INTIMATE. HE STILL KISSES ME AND HOLDS MY HAND AND CUDDLES WITH ME ON THE COUCH. KEEP IN MIND THAT I DON'T INITIATE ANY OF THIS.
HE IS ALSO BEING VERY CAREFUL NOT TO ANGER ME. WHEN WE WERE TOGETHER AND WE WOULD FIGHT HE WOULDN'T GIVE UP AND I WOULD NEVER HEAR AN APOLOGY. BUT NOW IF I GET ANGRY OR UPSET HE APOLOGIZES IMMEDIATELY.
SO ON ONE HAND I FEEL THAT HE STILL HAS FEELINGS FOR ME AND HE STILL WANTS A RELATIONSHIP IN THE FUTURE. BUT ON THE OTHER HAND, HE SOMETIMES BRINGS UP LITTLE THINGS ABOUT BEING ABLE TO DATE PEOPLE NOW.
DO YOU THINK THAT HE STILL WANTS TO BE WITH ME?
It sounds like he likes you but that he is not sure you are the girl for him, so he likes having the freedom of dating other girls. It's a common situation for people in their late teens - early twenties. They don't want to be alone, they want the security of having someone always around. But they also want to make sure they explore all their options and really see what the world has to offer.
This is fine for you too if you want to date other guys, and explore the world yourself. But if you're ready to settle down, have kids and buy a house this of course isn't an ideal situation.
You need to ask yourself what you want out of life. Do you want just to kick back and have fun for now, and maybe date other guys? If so then you're all set. But if you're starting to be ready to think about kids and a house, it's time to move on. You can't force someone to be ready for commitment. You need to find someone who IS ready and who is good for you. Relationships only work when both people are in the same "point" in their life and make a decision together, voluntarily.
I have a page on relationship stages here -
so it's time for an honest discussion with him, and see what your options are.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com