The guy I want is dating someone else

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
What do i do? The guy that I am in love with already has a girlfriend. I've known her since the forth grade but we're not really friends. He wants to hook it up with me but I'm not sure of what should i do. Advice
Good for you for stopping to think about it before leaping in and breaking up their relationship. He's dating someone else right now. If he wants to break up with her for whatever reason, he needs to do that first, separately. You want him to treat his current relationship with respect - because when he's in a relationship with *you* you want him to treat you with respect. If he's just in the habit of dumping his current date as soon as someone else comes along, that can really hurt you if you're the dumpee.

So talk to him. Tell him he's currently taken. He needs to decide if he wants to stay or go with his current date. Don't tell him to break up or what to do! If you do, he's likely to blame you later on that "you made him break up." It's really best to leave it up to him.

Let's say he chooses to break up with her. That is his choice, and you are perfectly fine being his friend while he does that. Then once he's broken up, I'd *really* advise staying his friend for a month or so. Hang out with him, talk with him, but don't go into dating yet. People on the rebound are not always thinking clearly, and you want to be sure that he doesn't date you for a short while, then go "Hey I was just on the rebound, see ya" and take off. People do that sometimes because the rebound emotions get the whole relationship screwed up. So it's really best to avoid that if you want this to work.

So be there for him, be a friend, talk and build up that communication between you both. And after a month, you'll know if you're meant to date each other. If he's already lost interest, you'll know the rebound was what was going on and it's MUCH better to have him lose interest as a friend than after you've already started dating.

But say he doesn't lose interest, that he's still your good friend and you really get along. Now you can start dating, know that no rebound bad things will happen, and that you have that friendship which is really key for a good relationship. So you'll have given yourself the best possible start on your dating.

Good luck!

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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