I'm 19 - He's 31. Is This Age Difference Too Large?
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
I AM 18 TURNIN 19 IN AUG. I AM VERY MATURE FOR MY AGE BECAUSE OF MANY THINGS THAT HAPPENED TO ME IN MY LIFE SO THEREFORE I ALWAYS SEEKED TO FIND SOMEONE OLDER THAN ME.
4 MONTHS AGO I MET MY BOYFRIEND AND HE TOLD ME HE WAS 22. HE LOOKED 22 ACTED 22... 4 MONTHS PASSED AND YESTERDAY HE TOLD ME THAT HE'S NOT REALLY 22 HE'S 30. TURNIN 31 IN JUNE.
WE HAVENT BEEN SERIOUS YET AND WE WERE ABOUT TO AND THAT IS WHY HE TOLD ME MAYBE? I REALLY LIKE HIM AND I CANT IMAGINE BEING WITHOUT HIM. I KNOW 4 MONTHS ISNT MUCH TIME BUT HONESTLY IT FEELS LIKE 4 YEARS.
I CANT LET HIM GO. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. PLEASE HELP
Certainly you are an adult, you're over 18. And many guys in their late 20s think about dating 18 and 19 year old girls because they are reaching that whole mid-life crisis point in their life, when they think they are getting "old". One of the easiest ways for a guy to feel young again is to date a young, cute girl - the kind he used to dream about when he was a teenager.
I'm not saying this won't work out for you two. But you should be VERY aware of all the dynamics in the relationship. It could be that he's great in those first six months, often called the 'honeymoon' stage of any relationship. It's when you are living mostly on dreams and wishes and really don't know each other very well yet. You have a lot of assumptions of what you hope will be true long term but you haven't seen it in actuality. You are still on your good behavior with each other because you are courting and want to impress each other.
You have plenty of time here. Keep dating for more months. See how he really acts when you are together long term, when you spend nights with each other, then weekends, then entire weeks. You start to see the "real person" when that happens. Who knows, maybe it will turn out that you two will be fine together despite the age gap. But it could also turn out that when his 'courtship' behavior slips, that you find out in reality that he has expectations for "his woman" that you are very unhappy with. Many guys seem great in the short term - but have nasty habits in the long term.
I have a page on relationship stages here -
take it slow, and see how things go.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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