Asking Someone Out
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
Please Help ASAP! I have never asked a guy out before. They have always asked me. I have a massive fear of rejection and have just never been able to ask--even if I think up a million easy ways to do so.
I am in college now and there is this guy that I really really like in English. I think that he likes me too, or at least he is giving signs of liking me. Twice I have planned on asking him, but I get too nervous and can't do it.
Heres the other problem-- The English class that we take together is the only class that he is taking this semester. So I never see him out of class. He leaves right after class. And, I don't want to ask him in class when everyone can hear me... So, cleverly, today, I made an excuse that I had to go out to my car because I forgot a book. He waited for me and we walked out together. He ended up telling me a funny story and I totally FORGOT about asking him. The next thing I knew, he was driving off in his truck...
I would really appreciate your advice. I don't get to see him next week AT ALL because we don't have class. So, should I try this tactic about walking out to my car again when classes resume? Today, I was going to ask him what he was doing this weekend, and if he said "nothing," I was going to ask him if he wanted to find something to do with me. But I get so nervous that I know I wouldn't have been able to do it!
My next plan was to ask him if he has an e-mail, and if he does, I'll write to him and ask him out that way. That would be SOOO much easier for me. But if he doesn't have an e-mail adress, I'll just DIE! That, and I don't want to wait another week and half to find out if he does indeed have one!
My third plan was to just "happen" to go bar hopping with friends right into his hometown bar where he told me once that he hangs out... But I think this seems a little psychotic or desperate? But my friend says that if I have a little alcohol in me that I'll be able to flirt with him easier. Should I do this? ugh. maybe I will... cause I don't want to wait for so long to see him again.
What do you think? Please help me as soon as you can. I'd appreciate it.
You are trying to leap into this as if it's a giant step and that is making you hugely nervous, which is causing all sorts of other trouble. Instead, take this in smaller steps. You don't have to ask him to start dating as the next step from casual friends!! Instead just ask him TO A MOVIE not as a date. Find a movie you really want to see - there are a bunch of good ones out - and tell him that you hate to go to movies alone. Heck, most of us hate to go to movies alone. Ask if he'd go as a friend.
That way it's not stressful. You're not asking for any commitment - just a movie! If things work out well you can always move on to more. But you need to take this in small steps so that the chance of a 'yes' is very high at each step.
I have lots of advice on flirting with people on the site - that's what you are doing here. You're flirting to build that connection up. Read and enjoy!
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com