He Flirts but Likes his Ex
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
Hi, im in college and i met this boy august of 2003 and when we first met its like he was my type and everything ,i felt like he was the one. Well we was outside talking and since im shy i didnt wanna seat down with him and start talking. his roomate was with him and my roommate so they was sitting down.
Anyway i wanted to get to know him so him and his rommate started coming to my room. It was this 1 day when him and his roommate came in here i kept flirting with him and his roommate saw that i kept messing with him, so he got mad.... (the reason why he got mad was because me and him was talking and then he found out that i liked his roommate) the boy who i was flirting with call me and he was like i know that you was flirting with me and i didnt feel right in that room with you, i was like no i wasnt flirting with you, what i was trying to do was ignore him...but anyway i admitted that i liked him and he said that we could be friends and he didnt wanna mess the friendship up, anyway i said ok and then we got off the phone...
After that night we keep talking, etc and its like we talking on and off and its like i cant leave him alone no matter what he tells me, like this 1 time he told me i call too much, i was like ok, but i didnt stop calling and now its like i stop calling alot because i know how he feels about me even thought he aint telling me.
Then i ask 1 day did he have a girlfriend he tells me NO... I ask him again he says YES, then i find out hes talking to his ex.....so i ask him why he lie he says he dont know.
Anyway what im trying to say is : I like him alot and hes not showing me that he cares about me like i do about him. i know he has his own feelings. and im trying to figure out is there any chance of me getting with him. I mean his ex acting like she sooo in love with him....I mean at 1 point i thought he was the 1. What do i need to do? Leave him alone or just try to be friends no matter what?
It sounds like he's on the rebound. It is ALWAYS dangerous to date someone who is on the rebound because they're not quite sure if they're over their ex, they might use you to test out how much they still love their ex. And they're often likely to go back to their ex if you have even the smallest fight.
He needs to get through this, decide *on his own* that he is really over her and done with her. If you try to convince him before he's ready, then he will always think "Well I *should* have gone back to my ex but nooooooo you made me stay with you, and you were wrong". YOU get blamed for everything. So you have to be sure that he takes his time, he really makes sure that he is done with his ex and is ready to date someone new.
Sure you can be friends with him, and hang around. But don't be his crutch. Don't be his safety net. If it's going to work with you two, he has to respect you as a partner in life, not as someone to use while it's convenient.
I have lots of tips on the site about general flirting and friendship - so stay close, but don't drive him crazy! If you crowd him too much while he's in rebound, he's going to drop you completely.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com