Breaking Up with Someone you Love

Visitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Female
It's so hard to figure out how to break up with someone you love. This is going to be devastating to both of us. The last thing I want is for him to think that I no longer love him. This simply is not true.

What advice can someone give me on how to go about this. Our issues are that of honesty that I do not believe will ever be able to overcome as they are also related to the legal system and morality. Advice
There's no law that says a breakup is because of lack of love. I know MANY many pairs of people who love each other fully - but who don't date for various reasons. Most are best friends and are perfectly happy with that. There are ALL sorts of reasons that these people no longer date - they chose to live in different locations, their work schedules were just too opposite, their religions were different. They retain their love and spend time with each other! But they aren't "romantic" dating pairs.

So be honest with your guy. Tell him you love him! And that you will always love him and be there for him. You can call yourself "Dyadian units" or something like that, give your relationship a new, special name. But tell him this new evolution means that you're not intimate any more. Because really the only difference between dating and best friends is the physical intimacy. And the monogamy.

If you have concrete reasons for turning off the intimacy, he should understand. If he demands that he retains access to your body, then that isn't love. Love is about caring for the other person, not about demanding possession rights ...

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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