We Argue All the Time
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
HEY ME AND MY BOYFRIEND HAVE BEEN DATING FOR 10 MONTHS. BUT WE HAVE BEEN ARGUING ABOUT ALOT OF LITTLE STUPID STUFF ALOT LATELY WE REALIZE IT BUT WE DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO DO ABOUT IT WE LOVE EACH OTHER BUT WE HAVE ARGUED SO MUCH LATELY LIKE WE COULD GO THE WHOLE DAY TOGETHER NOT ARGUING THEN WELL BE TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING AND WE'LL GET IN A ARGUMENT OVER IT.
WE DON'T WANT TO END THE RELATIONSHIP WE JUST WAN'T TO SEE WHAT'S WRONG AND WORK THROUGH IT. WE GO TO DIFFERENT SCHOOL'S BUT WE STILL SEE EACHOTHER EVERYDAY RIGHT AFTER SCHOOL WE DO EVERYTHING TOGETHER WE EVEN WORK TOGETHER. WE JUST HAVE BEEN FIGHTING ALOT LATELY AND WE DON'T KNOW WHY WE KINDA THINK IT MIGHT HAVE TO DO WITH THE FACT THAT WE DON'T SPEND TIME WITH EACHOTHER FOR OURSELVES THAT WERE ALWAYS DOING STUFF FOR EVERYONE ELSE TOGETHER AND WERE NOT SPENDING TIME WITH EACHOTHER FOR EACHOTHER AS MUCH AS WE USED TOO.
WE LOVE EACH OTHER AND WANT TO MAKE IT WORK OUT SO ANY ADVICE PLEAZE HELP ME. WE JUST STARTED GETTING IN ARGUMENTS LIKE THIS AFTER LIKE ATLEAST 6 MONTHS DATING WE EVEN WENT ON A VACATION TOGETHER WITH HIS FAMILY FOR A WEEK AND ONLY ARGUED ONCE PLEAZE HELP.
When you start to argue a lot about little, stupid things it really means that something bigger is bothering you but you refuse to talk about it. So the pressure and anger builds up inside you slowly and it ends up "poking out" whenever something annoying comes up. It's like a teakettle. The pressure in the kettle builds and builds and finally some steam has to whooosh out somewhere.
I have advice here about how to have a serious talk -
you need to bite the bullet and really sit down and talk honestly. Think up anything and everything that bothers you about the relationship and tell it to your partner. Don't say "You are bad because ..." - instead say "I would really feel special if only I got a call once a week" or things like that. Figure out what is bothering you and then give actual examples of what you WOULD like instead of complaining about what is missing. That way you both have solid things to work on - and if you work on one thing a week, you can whittle down the list and get things running smoothly again.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com