Choosing between Two Girls
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
I met this girl, F, about 3 months ago and we became very close. We have been together for 5 weeks now but a good friend of mine, P, has recently told me she has feelings for me and wants more than friendship.
F and i have been having problems and she is constanly trying to make me jealous with other people and as we do not see eachother very often it is hard to trust her. P, on the other hand, i see everyday as we attend college together and have always been good friends.
I have feelings for P but i am with F and although it would be easier to be with F i cannot help but want to be with P as we are so good together.
P is also seeing someone and has told me that if something happens between us she may not want it to go any further.
I need to know, do i risk something happening with P and finish things with F, or do i stop thinking about P as something more than a friend and be with F?
You can't play with girls as if they were toys. You have to choose a direction for a relationship and then work on it. If you are with a person you should be focussing on them, not allowing feelings to develop for other people. Feelings don't just develop on their own. They develop because you allow yourself to spend the time and nurture the feelings with the new person. All of that time and energy is time and energy you're deliberately taking away from your main relationship.
If P is seeing someone, she is not available. Period. You need to draw away from P if you can't control your emotions, and focus on your issues with F. If F is deliberately trying to make you jealous, that is very immature. You need to talk with her and get that resolved.
If in the end you decide to break up with F, that needs to be a very specific decision that you make solely because you are not happy with F - not because you've nurtured a safety net in the background.
-- from Lisa
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com